In His Word, Jesus made it clear that continual, deliberate, and unrepentant abuse is not just a mistake, a once-off remark, a joke, words said in anger because of severe provocation, or a thoughtless offense such as standing on someone’s toes, of which we are all guilty sometimes. God declared in 1 Jn. 1:6-10, “If we say we have not sinned we make God a liar, and His Word is not in us.” Acute, inexcusable crimes against humanity usually reveal themselves in violent attacks from strangers such as robbery, assault, rape, adultery, and murder. However, real abuse is an unbearable, chronic state or condition, which occurs repeatedly and persists in families, marriages, workplaces, religious congregations and other long-term relationships. True abuse often only stops physically at the death of the unrepentant abuser, while the damages done to innocents usually live on in the emotions and physical circumstances of victims!
The crime of violent abuse is a most destructive force, but all types of abuse are really life-threatening crimes. Even continual verbal attacks such as shouting and swearing, (despite the fact that it is the crime of character assassination,) will, sooner or later, escalate into physical violence, which often ends in physical murder. Nevertheless, Jesus Himself taught that secretive anger, unforgiveness, hatred and unfounded jealousy transcends the physical realm of physical pain. It focuses on character and spiritual murder, and manifests in the spreading of lies, provocation, false accusations, relentless persecution, rejection, slander, cheating, adultery, sexual molestation, rape, theft, and everything else that is vile, dangerous, and destructive.
This is what John meant when he wrote in 1 Jn. 3:15, “Whoever hates his [fellow human being] is a murderer and you know that no [unrepentant] murderer has eternal life abiding in him.”
In teaching on dealing with abuse, Jesus commanded, when you are slapped on the cheek, [which is merely an occasional insult, not assault or chronic abuse,] you should turn the other cheek too. However, “whoever is angry with [another] without a [serious] cause shall be in danger of the judgment. And whoever says to [another] ‘Raca!’ and ‘You fool!’ [You useless, ugly, stupid, vile thing,] is in danger of hell fire! [Do not think you can serve and worship God with such murder in your heart and on your tongue.] Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar and there remember that [someone else] has something against you, [not the other way round,] reconcile yourself to the person you offended first [as far as possible...]” (Mt. 5:22-24.)
All forms of unrepentant abuse are raw hatred for God, God’s children, and His creation, which constitutes witchcraft against God. Therefore, hatred in the form of emotional and spiritual abuse also constitutes murder in the eyes of God.
From the demonic sin of hatred for God and His creation flow all kinds of abusive crimes against humanity, as well as against God’s completely innocent animal kingdom. As we all know, God, the just Judge, does not condemn physical abusers, (even rapists, child molesters, adulterers, etc.,) while exonerating murderers bound by unforgiveness, false accusation, and vengeance. Unrepentant spiritual, emotional, AND physical murderers will never enter into heaven, as God commanded in Rev. 22:13-17, “Blessed are those who do My [moral] commandments that they may have the right to enter through the gates into the city [or heaven.] But outside are dogs… [Those who are ‘ceremonially unclean’ as dogs were under Old Testament law. In New Testament terms this means those who did not truly accept and follow Jesus obediently, but are merely religious without ever knowing and thus obeying the Moral Law of Christ. Consequently, they did not experience spiritual cleansing through His completed atonement on the cross. Such non-regenerated sinners, whether religious or not, will never and in fact can never repent from their physical, emotional, and spiritual corruption because they wilfully remain slaves of sin.]
“And [outside heaven are all the] sorcerers, [who commit spiritual and emotional witchcraft against God and His creation, and all unrepentant] sexually immoral murderers, idolaters, and whoever loves and practices a lie…”
ABUSE OF THE CONTEXT MAKES TRUTH INTO A LIE
Troublemaking manipulators and liars do not only lie unashamedly.
Just as their lying father the devil, they deliberately contort and misinterpret specific situations, and twist the meaning of words and the context of facts and conversations, effectively making truth into dangerous lies to cause trouble for their victims. Everything that is evil comes from the devil. Yet, he can also do a lot of ‘good’ if he so chooses, because he built his evil ways on hypocrisy and deception. But being the self-corrupted entity that he is, the devil does nothing for good without turning it into bad.
ABUSE IS A TWO-WAY STREET
When the victims of abuse are defenseless little children before the age of accountability and helpless animals, the problem of surrendering to the mindless torture of abusers cannot enter the picture. However, maltreated victims, as well as vengeful victims turned abusers themselves, have to know that all unrepentant or nonstop abusers are unscrupulous narcissists, who command unconditional subjection to their spiteful afflictions. (Narcissism is typified by a personality disorder where, in the selfish minds of abusers, they completely overestimate and adore their own looks, intellect, power, wealth, social status, and especially their ‘good’ religious works. Narcissists place themselves on a ‘higher’ creation level than other people, whom they dehumanize as ‘lesser’ beings. To function in society, narcissists require the slavish subjection and admiration of all the so-called ‘lesser’ members of their family and society.)
Domination and submission; power and helplessness; control and compliance are therefore counter-sides of the same evil coin of abuse. This applies to all forms of abuse — the abuse of malicious, vengeful victims too! An abuser can never function without a victim to dominate and control; while a victim can never suffer – and continue to suffer, without the domination and control of an unrelenting abuser.
Once the abuser stops the abuse, the victim, in essence, is free, and can begin to heal from the scars of abuse God' Yet, most victims of abuse choose to keep on fixating on the abuse while never obeying Jesus’ Moral Law of Love; effectively choosing to keep themselves in bondage to their abusers.
ABUSIVE CONTROL CAN BE HIGHLY ADDICTIVE
The frog-experiment: the process of enslavement
As in the experiment with the frog, which would immediately jump out of the pot when it is placed in hot water, while it would sit in the water and slowly cook to death if the water is heated gradually, the process of enslavement to spiritual, emotional, and physical abuse happens over time, while the victim is constantly brainwashed, duped, manipulated, and pushed into acceptance and submission, and eventually, into passivity and passive aggressiveness.
Without the submission, ignorance, denial, and passiveness or self-deception of the victim, abuse cannot exist. For as long as the victim cannot or will not clearly see the abuser for who he or she really is and what he or she is really doing, the victim will remain under the control of the abuser. It is no wonder that Jesus said, “we shall know the truth [about His Word and our circumstances,] and the truth shall set us free.” Many victims actually choose to live in denial rather than to face disruptive, or ‘destroying’ facts. I mean, it’s really difficult and heart-breaking to see that drunken dad for the dirty, lazy, rude, aggressive wife and child beater, and sponger that he really is (or was.) It’s easier to think of alcoholism as an “illness;” actually believing that he or she is a sad by-product of ‘evil enslaving alcohol,’ a sick society, an oppressing political system, etc. Searching for excuses to blame the alcohol and the drugs, and everyone else that could be remotely involved, instead of taking a long, hard look at the abuser behind the bottle, is not always easy. Still, it is the only way to get free and remain free from Satan’s enslavement to such abusers.
Essentially, the sin of abuse is a sick, distorted relationship between abusers and their victims. By projecting, (or reflecting their own guilt, blame, sin, and cowardice onto their victims,) abusers shine dehumanizing lies and distortions of the truth relentlessly on unsuspecting, naïve victims. For instance, many drunkards say, “You know why I drink? It’s because of my father… your mother… you children… my pain…” However, victims of alcoholic and drug addicts should know that everything under the sun is a reason for them to get high. They drink when they are happy and when they are sad; because their parents died and because they are still alive… In this way, abusers eventually force their victims to believe that they, (the victims,) are the ugly, stupid, and guilty ones and thus unworthy of the abusers’ acceptance, attention, protection, provision, love, and care – frequently resulting in the victims’ emotional and even physical dependence upon their abusers’ control. For instance, an allegedly ‘good’ father, greatly respected by the son (and everyone else,) brainwashed the son from early childhood by repeating over and over again, “You are so useless you break everything you touch… You are so stupid you need me to think for you… You are so worthless you will never amount to anything… You are the brawn, but I am the brain!”
The more victims cater for their oppressors’ evil whims by submitting to them and even defending them, [as in the case where a little girl willingly submits to her father’s sexual molestation because he gives her ‘special attention’ and treats,] the further their abusers move the goalpost and refuse to love, praise and accept them. In Islam, as in most pagan religions, child “marriage” is part of their culture. This is hardcore porn, sexual molestation and rape, not ‘culture.’
When the girl is old enough, this demonic father will most probably demand sex to extend his ‘goodness’ and ‘care.’ All unrepentant abusers dangle their ‘rewards’ of praise and acceptance to misuse and exploit their victims, while their victims continually fail to please them, thus forfeiting their love and acceptance. Consequently, as an alcoholic or drug addict becomes addicted to substance abuse, so deceived, passive victims become dependent upon the sparse and misplaced ‘affections’ of their abusers, which they can never achieve.
Indoctrinated, co-dependent victims defend their abusers even after death: Stockholm Syndrome
Victims, who were slowly heated in the cooking pot of deception and demonic control, will always yearn and strive for their abusers’ acceptance, affection, and protection, (even to the extent of patterning their own characters and abusive deeds on that of their tormentors,) while in reality, they will never be able to get that which they secretly desire, no matter how well they protect and follow the evil ways of their abusers. As a result, it happens frequently that battered wives hysterically attack the police when a neighbor calls in domestic violence. Most often, abuse-dependent victims fiercely defend their abusers, aiding abusers in their destructive works; spreading and repeating their manipulative lies, and justifying and minimizing their incredibly destructive sins! For instance, a deceived mother claimed, “How can you say he abused you all your life and never showed you fatherly love? He was just a very determined person and demanded complete obedience; everyone knew him like that, that’s just the way he was!”
This is clearly a case of constant mind-control and raw abuse turned admiration, because co-dependent victims of abuse unwittingly believe they will never be able to survive without their mentors. Also, because of shaming, victims choose to glorify their unrepentant abusers instead of exposing them. Instead of pursuing freedom from their constant, even lifelong oppressors, some victims remain hopelessly addicted to the control and fear of these satanic torturers. Such misplaced but ‘reverent respect’ can even escalate in the minds of enslaved victims long after their abusers’ death, mounting into fierce protectiveness of very evil, unrepentant people. (I.e.: “No one dares to say a word about him (or her!) He (or she) is dead — how evil are you dragging up rotten cows; have you no respect for the dead? Leave him (or her) alone! What he (or she) did or did not do has nothing to do with anyone else!” Or: “I cannot laugh out loud, buy new clothes, or tell the truth about what he/she did, because it feels as if he/she is watching me from the other side…”
It is a sad fact that millions of abuse-dependent victims can never escape their tormentors or even their own destructive sin of addiction to demonic control, as such victims actually choose to live in complete denial, justifying their own abusive sins from their own fuzzy ‘facts.’ This type of ‘bonding’ with, and even joining and defending dangerous abusers while focusing on, and fighting ‘an even worse’ enemy, is a well-known phenomenon. It is called Stockholm Syndrome. Wikipedia described this phenomena as follows, “Stockholm Syndrome can be seen as a form of traumatic bonding, which does not necessarily require a hostage scenario, but which describes strong emotional ties that develop between two persons where one person intermittently harasses, threatens, beats, abuses, [molests, rapes, verbally and physically assaults] or intimidates the other.”
Unless God grants victims of Stockholm syndrome the grace to clearly see what, and who their abusers really are, they will never be free from following and doing that which harmed them so deeply. Thus, they will always remain dependent on, and in bondage to their abusers for fear of ultimate rejection — even after their abusers have died!
ABUSE IS A DEMONIC DEHUMANIZING POWER
True to the crafty nature of its master the devil, the sin of abuse also pivots on manipulation and control through verbal, emotional, and physical dehumanizing techniques. By making their victims into ‘lesser’ beings, abusers assume such superiority over their victims as to torture them even to physical death, believing they “cannot really do wrong by harming or killing sub-humans.” Just think how many helpless little babies were gradually beaten to death by their fathers and the boyfriends of their mothers, while the mothers did nothing to intervene! I believe these monsters and their men merely saw those babies as ‘nuisances,’ which interfered with their pleasures and time. Someone aptly wrote, “Abusers make somebody less human by destroying his or her humanity, right to life, character, good name, Godly work, and self-worth; taking away his or her individuality, the creative and interesting aspects of his or her personality, or his or her compassion and sensitivity towards others.”
Behind and inside every willfully unrepentant abuser are murderous demons, (or a legion of demons,) commanded by Satan himself, even if they falsely profess Jesus Christ. It is impossible to serve God and Mammon, Jesus said – or God and decidedly unrepentant sin of all sorts. Willing repentance from sin is always the mark of the true believer. So, victims of abuse must realize that all forms of abuse are planned at, and executed directly from the throne of that fallen angel, whom the Life-giving Jesus called “the thief, who does not come except to steal, kill, and destroy,” (Jn. 10:10.)
The crime of abuse and especially nonstop, unrepentant abuse transcends this realm. Without mincing His words, Jesus referred to Satan’s unrepentant human helpers, the devil’s physical instruments of abuse, as those who “are of their father the devil, and the desires of their father they want to do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own resources, for he is a liar and the father of it,” (Jn. 10:10; 8:44.)
Although the truth, from the motive of resolution and healing, often hurts deeply; deliberate lies, which attack our neighbor’s spirit, soul, body, gifts, work, loved ones and life, is the direct, decimating voice of Satan, the first fallen angel, who chose to be the murderer of God’s “very good” universe. Truly born again believers of Christ will, as far as humanly possible, withhold malicious attacks on others, for “to love and practice a lie” is manifesting the evil nature of Satan. (As discussed in this study, to confront sin openly and honestly by directly speaking to the abuser, is a commandment of God and not an attack on the person!) The unrepentant, corrupt “fruits” of lies and character assassination distinguish false, hypocritical Christians from true believers.
In the end, abusers themselves will not escape the destruction of their father the devil. Sooner or later, those bound by hatred, fornication, adultery, unforgiveness, revenge, backbiting and maliciousness, will self-destruct. Satan does not really ‘reward’ abusers while torturing and annihilating the helpless and defenseless. The evil one is out to destroy God’s entire creation. He has set his attention on humanity in particular. One thing is certain, if that first and great abuser, Satan, cannot deceive or oppress victims into submitting to him and following him, he sends his demoniacs to wield their dark swords without relenting, granting no mercy or a way of escape in order to wear down their victims and crush them beyond all reason and human endurance — even onto death itself.
THE DREADFUL SIN OF PASSIVE AGGRESSIVENESS
God warned in Jam. 4:17, “To him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin.” This does not mean we should stick our noses into everyone else’s business. It means we have to speak for those who cannot speak for themselves, defend those cannot defend themselves, and so on. However, when we intend to do good and help the truly oppressed, we must be careful NOT to defend lies and unrighteousness in the process, being manipulated and deceived into joining a secret crusade of hatred, vindictiveness, and character assassination against those who have repented from a certain sin, or those who are innocently blamed for participating in sin. This does not pertain to assisting lazy bums, slanderers, VENGEFUL VICTIMS, and other sly abusers! Often, people think they are protecting a victim while they are being deceived into joining a war against the innocent.
God describes the sin of passivity in the face of allowing abuse, and thus participating in it without doing as much as protesting it, as follows, “Whoever is a partner with a thief [slanderer, liar, or any other abuser] hates his own life: he swears to tell the truth, but reveals nothing. The fear of man brings a snare...” (Prov. 29:24-25 — and read God’s warning in Romans 1:32!)
To aid, cover, submit to, and share in the sin of abusers, is to partner with abusers! God’s Moral Law commands in Lev. 5:5; 6:1-6, “If a person sins in hearing the utterance of an oath, [a conspiracy, or any form of tongue-murder; if he knows of secret battering, and so forth,] whether he has seen or known of the matter — if he does not tell it, he bears guilt...”
Whether the victim of abuse is a man, woman, child or a helpless animal, if those in a protective position remain passive in the face of abuse, it constitutes consent to that inexcusable crime against God and His human and animal creatures, (Rom. 1:32.) God commanded, “Defend the poor and fatherless. Do justice to the afflicted and needy. Deliver the poor and needy. Free them from the hand of the wicked!”
The sin of passivity, which is actually extreme, secret aggression, is a dangerous derivative of the manipulative sin of hypocrisy, which, in turn, is based on deception. This is where the old saying comes from, “Still waters run deep, and this is where the devil sleeps.” Both aggression and passivity are the twin manifestations of a vengeful spirit that sprung from unresolved guilt, hurt, shame, lovelessness, and mere self-absorbed selfishness. At the core of all this, hide cowardice and the willful neglect of those, whom passive people should protect, while they never get involved because they are not willing to give an inch of themselves.
The passive abuser seems to be completely passive, (or, what people often view as good-natured,) until it does not suit that person to play ‘uninterested’ or ‘soft-hearted’ anymore. This often happens when a ‘passive’ person, pretending to be the example of niceness, is confronted, restrained, or exposed. Then, that ‘meek,’ ‘compliant’ person suddenly turns into a cruel aggressor.
In an attempt to hide their secret sins, passive aggressors will suddenly erupt with most assertive shouting, false accusation, crude swearing and violence, which serve the purpose of obliterating the ‘opposition’ as fast as possible. This is ‘offense is the best defense’ in its rudest form. Subtle exploitation and manipulation suddenly turn into the forceful twisting and immovable denial of sound facts; loud character assassination, and any other form of evil, which, in the mind of the ‘passive’ aggressor, can cover, minimize, or aid the problem. All types of aggression make use of blame-shifting, denial, and projection. This means, aggressors of all types merely reflect their own blame, guilt, underhanded works and unreliable character unto those who ‘dare’ to confront their bad behavior.
Passivity also manifests in loveless disinterest where, for instance, a ‘good’ husband or wife does not violently assault his or her spouse, but wreaks incalculable marital and family damage by not defending the spouse and children against demonically controlled people. Or, they might not abuse their children verbally or physically, but neglect to provide for their emotional and physical needs through alcoholism, drug addiction, stinginess, or pure laziness to hold down a job. This kind of passive abuser would hardly think that willful neglect and disinterest constitute the most serious crime of abuse, not to mention character harm and even character murder!
Passive abusers are compelled to stand for righteousness and speak the truth as not to sin against their fellow man and above all, against God, by neither keeping quiet, nor defending sin, (1 Cor. 8:12; Lev. 6:1; 5:17! Rom. 1:29-32; Prov. 29:24 & 27; Heb. 10:38; 13:3.) However, passively participating either in the sin of others, [by deliberately allowing sin,] or indulging in their own selfish interests, most passive aggressive abusers deceive themselves to believe they are acting right and ‘godly’ by ‘avoiding conflict’ and ‘keeping the peace.’ But disinterest and a dreadful lack of love always hide dangerous levels of aggression in other areas of the person’s life. This frequently manifests in alcohol and drug abuse, sexual promiscuity and perversion, unreasonable unforgiveness and hatred, lying and manipulation, and underhanded, spiteful behavior such as kleptomania.
Sadly, passivity and neglect have the ‘handy’ side-effect of enslaving love-starved husbands, wives, and children to their abusers; always trying to gain some real type of affection from them. As explained in the discussion on ‘Stockholm Syndrome,’ many love-starved children (or spouses,) worship such bad parents, (husbands or wives.) Mothers and fathers especially can so dreadfully enslave children to their affection that it amounts to emotional and/or physical incest! That child will steal, lie, and even murder for them. Such parents never allow the child/teenager/adult to have emotional bonds with peers — especially not with boyfriends and girlfriends, and uses various techniques to keep the victim so busy that he or she never gets to building a life of their own. In such cases, life-long interference with the victim’s life, marriage and family will result in ceaseless conflict and broken relationships for the victim. Many people that were victimized in this way never marry, but cling to the parent for life; never understanding the great evil the parent has, and is doing to them. Whether their abusers were, or are active or passive demoniacs, they mighty simply always refuse to see or hear anything bad about them no matter how evil they were (or are,) and these victims will try anything to please and appease them – even long after they have died!
VICTIMS’ HATRED FOR PASSIVE PROTECTORS
Legitimate Blame VS Undeserved Hatred
It is particularly devastating, for instance, for children to have a so-called ‘good’ father or mother, who constantly neglects to defend them against molesting people. Especially, when someone, who is perceived a protector, knowing the truth, ignores the abuse and even defends the abuser! Thus, victims from an accountable age, who could distinguish morality from immorality, usually forgive the active abuser more readily than the passive person, whom they picked as their physical, emotional, or spiritual ‘protector,’ but who, both in reality and according to the victim’s own perception, abandoned them in their hour of need.