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You have Magnified Your Word above All Your Name, Ps. 138:2

Dealing With Abuse and Abusers God’s Way 

©  Copyright Now Unbanned Publications    

 

 With love, to all the suffering victims of abuse 

Renette Vermeulen

 

This is not a study from the viewpoint of psychology

This is a study of the influence of human circumstance, human behaviour, and God’s Scriptural commandments to escape, resolve, and heal the dreadful yet common sin and consequences of abuse. 

Without ever minimizing the despicable crimes of abuse, or the suffering of helpless victims of abuse, it is necessary to understand that the mechanisms, which the world presents to clarify and contain the trauma of abuse, is really not as effective as they allege.  On the contrary, it is an indisputable fact that the teachings of psychology are in enmity with the God of the Bible and His Word, because it is based on occult and pagan religious thought, and satanic philosophy.  Hence, psychology does not present any real answer to the effects of physical, emotional and spiritual trauma.  Instead, it poses great spiritual dangers to unwary, hurting people, who trust psychiatrists, psychologists, and even Christian psychologists with their most intimate pain and problems. 

A)  Read about the origins, essence, aims and dangers of secular and Christian Psychology: 

Great, Irreconcilable Differences Between Psychology and Scriptural Truth 

The Scriptural Responsibility of Victims from the Age of Accountability 

B)  Read the book, illustrative of this study: 

What Meddling Parents can do to Adult Children    

 

Contents

THE DEFINITION AND MECHANISMS OF ABUSE AND ABUSERS      

Indoctrinated, abuse-dependent victims defend their abusers even after deathStockholm Syndrome  

THE DREADFUL SIN OF PASSIVE AGGRESSIVENESS

VICTIMS’ HATRED FOR PASSIVE PROTECTORS

Legitimate Blame VS Undeserved Hatred

ABUSE IS SEATED IN UNREPENTANCE        

Will God kill that abuser to end the torture?

DO-GOODERS’ AND THEIR BRAINWASHING TECHNIQUES

“CHRIST CALLED HIS DISCIPLES TO A SELFLESS LIFE; THEY MUST NEVER PROTEST ABUSE!” - “CAN THAT BE SCRIPTURAL?”       

Jesus and His disciples did defend their human and legal rights

“LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOUR!” - “EASY PEASY!” - “REALLY?”        

DOES GOD SAVE US “UNCONDITIONALLY” - even if we REFUSE to REPENT?

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO FORGIVE SEVENTY TIMES SEVENTY

SPIRITUAL ABUSE IN CHURCH AND AT HOME        

“LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF!”  -  “BUT… I MUST CRUCIFY MYSELF, NOT ‘LOVE’ MYSELF!”          

“WHY COMPLAIN - SIMPLY FORGIVE AND FORGET!”        

“FORGIVE [THAT ABUSER] FROM THE HEART!” -  “WOW, THAT SOUNDS REALLY HARD!”     

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN:  “FORGIVE US AS WE FORGIVE OTHERS?”

“BLESS, DO GOOD, AND PRAY FOR YOUR ABUSERS!” - “HOW CAN I, WITH SO MUCH HURT, ANGER, AND RESENTMENT IN MY HEART?”  

ANGER IS A DANGEROUS EMOTION

Matthew chapter 5 is Jesus’ handbook on anger management

 Defamation of character and slander MEAN crimen injuria 

Private confrontation is not crimen injuria

 THE MALICIOUS SPREADING OF HURTFUL TRUTHS

HEALING A BROKEN RELATIONSHIP 

 FOLLOWING JESUS TO FREEDOM   

A PRAYER FOR DELIVERANCE AND HEALING         

FOREWORD 

The following is an example of a religious but unrepentant abuser, who could never grow in obedience to God because of secret, unconfessed and unrepentant sin in his life.  Lies always begets more lies; but all this suffering is completely unnecessary, because Jesus suffered, died, and was risen from the grave to save everyone who sincerely seeks Him. 

“It was no big deal,” shouted a serial adulterer and wife beater; rehabilitated alcoholic and drug addict, most defensively at his very distraught, confronting wife, who knew nothing about all his sexual immorality for two-thirds of their long married life.  But after evidence was brought to her that he, years ago, also molested her sister’s two little girls, and kept the eldest one as his so-called ‘mistress’ for more than twenty years, she went ballistic.  She demanded to know the truth about everything, also about his constant adultery, which she suspected but could not prove, while he always refused to confess any such thing. 

This woman stood on the fact that God commanded in Jam. 5:16-17, “Confess your [serious, soul and life-destroying] trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed…”  Because this man professed to be a born again believer in Christ, (Jn. 1:12-13; 3:3-5,) she expected of him to willingly confess all these serious offenses to her.  Instead, 25 years after he was ‘born again,’ he still refused to comply, eventually confessing only what he wanted to confess to hide his lovelessness, rejection, and constant infidelity.  Because she knew that no relationship, least of all a marriage, can be built on lies and distortions, she demanded an explanation from him to make sense of her life and to work towards true conciliation between them. 

“You destroyed my whole life, our marriage covenant, our family, and the lives of two innocents!   I want to know where I was in all of this and how I never even suspected that you were into little girls as well behind my back!” 

He very aggressively continued to minimize his crimes, lied, and manipulated the truth.  “It didn’t really harm anyone!  It wasn’t murder – it was just a game!  A filthy little game!  The little one ran all the time to me and that whore ****** me and I ****** her.  So what?  So whaaaat?  Open your deaf ears and listen to me, understand, not to the lies of your clever family!”  When she, wild from sorrow and shame, refused to accept his abuse, he shouted, shaking her brutally, “And what are you going to do about it?  Call the police on me?”  He grabbed the telephone, hitting her on her head, hands and shoulders.  “Here you are: call them!  Go give your filthy **** to the police, you whore!  [She had been faithful to him every step of the way.]  If you bring them to my door I will shoot you and them, understand!” 

When she flatly refused to accept his intimidation and death threats as well, he grabbed her with all his might and flung her against the nearest wall, beating her head and body against the wall, and then shoved her violently down the stairs, yelling, “I’ll kill you, you ****** slut!  Who are you to challenge me?  You want to tell them I hit and kick you while its you hitting and kicking me!  You are forever falsely accusing me and provoking me!  You always make me into a liar and refuse to listen to me or believe a word I say[He has been constantly lying to her and manipulating her from since they were engaged to be married.  Once, he gave her venereal disease and forced her to believe that he caught it from a toilet.  To keep the peace,  she submitted to this incredible lie for years.] You are the one that never stops but you want me to stop!  You just carry on and on and on and on!  Nag, nag, nag for truth and that I must repent, but you make up your own stories and then want me to confess to all your mad ****!  You're so clumsy you keep on running into my fists and feet!  I have never choked you, you b****; you choke me!  You say I kicked, shoved and slapped you while you were having a heart attack, and refused to call an ambulance for you, hey?  But you gave yourself a heart attack because of interfering with my life and then wouldn’t let me drive you to hospital to tell them my side of the story!  You tear off my ears and hit me in the head and fling me against the walls, down the stairs and into the chairs and onto floor!  [She weighs about half of what he weighs.] You tear all my clothes literally off my body! [This happens when she grabs onto him to soften her fall during his violent assaults.]  You hit and harm and choke yourself you deranged *****!  I cannot help it that you are such a useless, senseless cow!  Go **** yourself instead of judging me and criticising my life!” 

He violently shoved her again and dragged her by her hair to a mirror.   Banging her face into the mirror, he shouted at the top of his voice, “Look how ugly you are and what you are doing to yourself!  I endanger you life, you say?  You have bruises, hey?  Well, you bruise so easily you should really learn to look after yourself and defend yourself!  Look how you keep on hurting me!  It had nothing to do with you, understand?  I did it all because I could do it and so what?  You want to know when, how, and for how long I did it all?  Well, I cannot remember anything [about my child molestation and constant adultery] because I didn’t memorize it.  So from now on, you keep your filthy trap shuuuut, you mad liar, or I will have you committed to an asylum!  Are you getting off on poking your nose into my business and forcing me to hit you?” 

 

Constant fornication and adultery, child molestation, most crafty lies, manipulation, mind-games and deception; violent assault and battering, shouting, filthy swearing; blame shifting, and a past history of drunkenness and drug addiction — all a game?  From this example of extreme, chronic abuse, I can only say that I myself always did, and always will make it clear that no sane person (or helpless animal) seeks, desires, or enjoys maltreatment.  I was always first to defend all victims of abuse that I knew about, and by the grace of God, I always will shield them as far as possible in everything good and Godly, and speak out for those who have no voice.  Any type of abuse always leaves indelible marks on souls, lives, relationships, and bodies, which only Jesus Christ can cleanse with His own blood.  Constant abuse in various combinations wreak such terrible sorrow on victims and produce such incredible anger that they might never be healed on this side of the grave.  How dare secret and even openly aggressive abusers minimize such incredible destruction on their victims’ lives!  All types of abuse are delinquency and crimes against God and humanity, and the rest of His creation, and child molestation is a crime that is punishable by law. 

Very few abusers ever realize (or care) that their chronic abuse places victims in an intolerably precarious position. 

On top of all the pain, anger, distress, provocation, humiliation, rejection and unsettlement, victims of abuse often have to contend with the bewilderment of their physical and emotional dependence upon a serial abuser.  It is not uncommon that they also struggle with their distorted but lingering love for such a beast, as in the case of a cruel abuser, who still remains a parent, sibling, spouse, or adult child.  Even more horrendously is the emotional strain of a life filled with foul and violent episodes, extremely bad memories, and the ultimate trauma of separation and divorce. 

Besides all this, it is not uncommon for those who suffer persistent abuse to experience diminishing or distorted faith in God and a huge lack of self confidence, while shame and growing isolation leaves the person without a trustworthy support system, or even just another person to speak to.  Then, there is the vital yet difficult matter of forgiveness and, if the victims of such beasts have no other recourse, the continued sharing of their lives with unrelenting abusers.  That is why abuse, left untreated God’s Way, (which is the only real way to heal humanity from festering emotional wounds,) has the power to turn the victims of abuse into incredibly malicious abusers themselves; set in anger, unforgiveness, bitterness, hatred, revenge and many other forms of evil, which severely threaten not just their happiness and lives on earth, but also their eternal lives in heaven

Still, victims of abuse are not merely “sinners who need to repent from the victim mentality, induced by psychology,” as some heartless and misinformed person wrote.  God Himself views physical and verbal abuse in such a serious light that He gave us clear Scriptural directives to deal with all types of injurious people. 

When talking about abuse, we must remember that in most cases, chronic abuse happens on a multilevel.  Multilevel refers to the onion effect.  Layers of abuse often sit one on top of another, as illustrated in the example describe above.  Over time, different types of abuse pile up from different angles to overwhelm victims and push them away from God and other people, and to destroy them mentally, physically — even spiritually.  Therefore, this study pertains to all types of abuse and to all victims of abuse. However, because I have never and will never protect any type of unrepentant abuser, (even victims turned abusers,) I do not dispute the fact that an exaggerated, vengeful and even a misconceived victim mentality does exist.  I know that ignoring, minimizing and justifying their crimes are common, manipulative tricks, which all types of unremorseful abusers use to wrangle themselves out of confrontation and accountability. 

Nevertheless, let there never be any doubt:  my sympathy lies with the victims of abuse. 

Yet, God did not call anyone to condemn anyone else to eternal hell and the destruction of his or her life and soul.  He called His children to be His instruments in saving, redeeming and restoring all people according to the truth of His Word!  Sending souls to hell is God’s domain, while judging or testing their unrepentant ‘fruit’ or continuous deeds is a commandment of God.  Therefore, backbiting persecution, revenge and condemnation are not the Scriptural ‘judgment’ of bad deeds; discernment between right and wrong, and the uncovering of constant, unrepentant sin, are obedience to God’s Moral Law of Love!  (Jn. 4:1-4; 1 Ths. 5:21.22, etc.) 

To sinners without Christ, sin is a normal part of life, (Prov. 10:23.)  Even sincere believers in Christ also stumble sometimes, (1 Jn. 1:7-10.)  But a true believer of Christ simply cannot persist intentionally in his or her old sinful ways, (whether the sin is outward sin or secret, emotional sin such as unresolved anger, hatred and revenge,) and remain a child of God, who will inherit eternal life in heaven, (Rom. 12:1-2; Rev. 20:11-25; Rom. 14:10-11; Rev. 3:5.) 

It is the deceptive lie of psychiatry, spiritually dead religion, and ungodly, vengeful victims that murderers, rapists, or child molesters, once sincerely saved in Christ and repented from sin, supposedly cannot be pastors, evangelists, etc. in the service of Christ.  God commanded us not to commit emotional and spiritual murder on anyone — not even on our unrepentant “enemies,” but to restore abusers to society once they have repented from their abuse, (2 Cor. 2:5-11.) 

God forgives those completely, who stop their abuse, confess their sin to their victims willingly, and do restitution according to His Scriptural commandments, (Jam. 5:16-17.)  So, it is an immovable Scriptural fact that, if humanity should remain disqualified from God’s forgiveness and service after salvation and Scriptural repentance, then Christ has died in vain for us all, (Gal. 2:21.)

A great problem, which hinders the healing of wounded people and broken relationships, is the fact that people do not honestly and openly confess their sins to one another, as God commands in Scripture.  Most people, believers too, keep their devastating sins secret and cowardly ‘confess their sins to God;’ deceiving themselves to think it is unnecessary to confess all hurtful, demeaning, and destructive crimes to “one another” by name, (Jam. 5:16-18.) 

It is crucial to realize, if just one evil deed hinders a relationship, we should initiate peace as soon as possible by openly discussing the matter with each other in private first, (more on the Scriptural process of reconciliation later on,) and confess that sin to the person or persons “we have trespassed against.”  Of course, the transgressor then also needs to repent from that sin and do restitution for the harm they have caused.  For instance: lies must be replaced by truth; infidelity by fidelity, etc. 

Those abusers who obey God’s Moral Law of Love by confessing their sins to their victims, repenting from abuse and doing the necessary restitution, are in fact true conquerors, as it takes a lot of faith in God and a whole load of self-denial and guts to obey these most important Moral commandments of God.  However, nothing God commands is really that difficult, because, as soon as we decide to obey Him, the Holy Spirit empowers us and leads the way.   

THE DEFINITION AND MECHANISMS OF ABUSE AND ABUSERS 

The purpose of abuse is not just to harm us, but to discourage and draw even sincere believers away from God, while keeping unbelievers in hatred for God; blaming Him for all the ills in their lives and in this world.  As long as the evil one can make us believe that evil comes from God, and that He does not care about the suffering in this world, he has a foothold in our thoughts to turn us against God.  However, the opposite is true.  “God SO loved the WHOLE world, (every person on earth,) that He gave His only, begotten Son Jesus, so that WHOEVER (personally believes in Him, accepts Him and follows Him,) shall not perish, but have eternal life,” (Jn. 3:16.) 

In His Word, Jesus made it clear that continual, deliberate, and unrepentant abuse is not just a mistake, a once-off remark, a joke, words said in anger because of severe provocation, or a thoughtless offense such as standing on someone’s toes, of which we are all guilty sometimes.  God declared in 1 Jn. 1:6-10, “If we say we have not sinned we make God a liar, and His Word is not in us.”  Acute, inexcusable crimes against humanity usually reveal themselves in violent attacks from strangers such as robbery, assault, rape, adultery, and murder.  However, real abuse is an unbearable, chronic state or condition, which occurs repeatedly and persists in families, marriages, workplaces, religious congregations and other long-term relationships.  True abuse often only stops physically at the death of the unrepentant abuser, while the damages done to innocents usually live on in the emotions and physical circumstances of victims! 

The crime of violent abuse is a most destructive force, but all types of abuse are really life-threatening crimes.  Even continual verbal attacks such as shouting and swearing, (despite the fact that it is the crime of character assassination,) will, sooner or later, escalate into physical violence, which often ends in physical murder.  Nevertheless, Jesus Himself taught that secretive anger, unforgiveness, hatred and unfounded jealousy transcends the physical realm of physical pain.  It focuses on character and spiritual murder, and manifests in the spreading of lies, provocation, false accusations, relentless persecution, rejection, slander, cheating, adultery, sexual molestation, rape, theft, and everything else that is vile, dangerous, and destructive. 

This is what John meant when he wrote in 1 Jn. 3:15, “Whoever hates his [fellow human being] is a murderer and you know that no [unrepentant] murderer has eternal life abiding in him.” 

In teaching on dealing with abuse, Jesus commanded, when you are slapped on the cheek, [which is merely an occasional insult, not assault or chronic abuse,] you should turn the other cheek too.  However, “whoever is angry with [another] without a [serious] cause shall be in danger of the judgment.  And whoever says to [another] ‘Raca!’ and ‘You fool!’ [You useless, ugly, stupid, vile thing,] is in danger of hell fire!  [Do not think you can serve and worship God with such murder in your heart and on your tongue.]  Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar and there remember that [someone else] has something against you, [not the other way round,] reconcile yourself to the person you offended first [as far as possible...]” (Mt. 5:22-24.) 

All forms of unrepentant abuse are raw hatred for God, God’s children, and His creation, which constitutes witchcraft against God.  Therefore, hatred in the form of emotional and spiritual abuse also constitutes murder in the eyes of God. 

From the demonic sin of hatred for God and His creation flow all kinds of abusive crimes against humanity, as well as against God’s completely innocent animal kingdom.  As we all know, God, the just Judge, does not condemn physical abusers, (even rapists, child molesters, adulterers, etc.,) while exonerating murderers bound by unforgiveness, false accusation, and vengeance.  Unrepentant spiritual, emotional, AND physical murderers will never enter into heaven, as God commanded in Rev. 22:13-17, “Blessed are those who do My [moral] commandments that they may have the right to enter through the gates into the city [or heaven.]  But outside are dogs… [Those who are ‘ceremonially unclean’ as dogs were under Old Testament law.  In New Testament terms this means those who did not truly accept and follow Jesus obediently, but are merely religious without ever knowing and thus obeying the Moral Law of Christ.  Consequently, they did not experience spiritual cleansing through His completed atonement on the cross.  Such non-regenerated sinners,

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