Chronic abuse places victims in a precarious position. Apart from the sorrow, anger, distress, provocation, humiliation, rejection, and betrayal, they often have to contend with the bewilderment of their distorted but lingering love for chronic abusers, who remain parents, siblings, spouses, or adult children. They also have the emotional strain of lives filled with foul and violent episodes, extremely bad memories, and the disruption of separation and divorce. So, it is not unusual for the abused to experience diminishing faith and trust in God and a huge lack of self confidence, as they were deliberately shamed, guilted, and isolated to leave them without a trustworthy support system, or even just another person to talk to.
Then, there is the vital, yet difficult matter of forgiveness and, if the abused have no other recourse, the continued sharing of their lives with them. This is why abuse, left untreated God’s Way, (which is the only real way to heal from festering emotional wounds,) has the power to turn the abused into malicious abusers themselves; set in anger, unforgiveness, bitterness, hatred, revenge, and many other forms of evil, which severely threaten not just their lives on earth, but also their eternal lives in heaven. Still, the abused are not merely “sinners who need to repent from the victim mentality, induced by psychology,” as some misinformed person wrote. God views spiritual, psychological, physical, and verbal abuse in such a serious light that He gave us clear Scriptural directives to deal with all types of injurious people.
However, a great obstacle to the healing of emotionally wounded people and broken relationships, is that neither abusers nor the abused honestly and openly confess their sins by name to one another, as God commands in Scripture. Even true believers keep their devastating sins secret and cowardly ‘confess their sins to God;’ deceiving themselves to think it is unnecessary to confess all hurtful, demeaning, and destructive crimes by name to “one another,” (Jam. 5:16-18.)
It is crucial to realize, if anything hinders a relationship, we should initiate peace as soon as possible by openly discussing the matter with each other in private first, (more on this process of reconciliation later on,) and confess that sin to those “we have trespassed against,” (Mt. 5:23-24.) Transgressors then need to repent and do restitution for the harm they have caused. For instance: lies must be replaced by truth; infidelity by fidelity, etcetera, (Mt. 18:15-20.)
THE DEFINITION AND MECHANISMS OF ABUSE AND ABUSERS
The purpose of abuse is not just to harm us on a physical level, but to bully, discourage, and draw even sincere believers away from God, while keeping unbelievers in hatred for God; blaming Him for all the ills in their lives and in this world. As long as the evil one can make us believe that evil comes from God, and that He does not care about the suffering in this world, he has a foothold in our thoughts to turn us against God, (2 Cor. 10:3-5.) However, the opposite is true. “God so loved the whole world, (every person on earth,) that He gave His only, begotten Son [Jesus,] so that whoever [personally believes in Him, accepts Him and follows Him,] shall not perish, but have eternal life,” (Jn. 3:16.)
In His Word, Jesus made it clear that continual, deliberate, and unrepentant abuse or cowardice bullying is not just a mistake, a wrong remark, a joke, words said in anger because of severe provocation, or a thoughtless offense such as standing on someone’s toes, of which we are all sometimes guilty, (Jam. 3:2; 1 Jn. 2:1-11.) God declared in 1 Jn. 1:8-10, “If we say we have not sinned, [even if we unintentionally stumbled and especially when we deliberately abused others,] we make God a liar, and His Word is not in us.” Inexcusable traumatic crimes, (deeply distressing experiences,) reveal themselves in sudden attacks, usually from strangers, such as robbery, assault, rape, etcetera. However, known abusers such as parents and spouses also traumatize people through violence, rape, molestation, adultery, etcetera, which then develops into an unbearable, chronic condition, which occurs repeatedly and persists in families, marriages, workplaces, religious congregations and other long-term relationships. Abuse often only physically stops at the death of the unrepentant controller, while the damages done to innocents usually live on in the emotions and lives of the abused!
Abuse is a most destructive, satanic force. That is what John meant when he wrote in 1 Jn. 3:15, “Whoever hates his [fellow human being] is a murderer and you know that no [unrepentant] murderer has eternal life abiding in him.” Thus, all types of abuse are life-threatening crimes. Let us not underestimate the destruction of verbal attacks such as shouting, swearing, lies, and manipulation. Notwithstanding the fact that it is the crime of character assassination and provocation, verbal assaults always escalate into physical violence, which often ends in physical murder. Nevertheless, Jesus taught us that secretive anger, unforgiveness, hatred, lies, and underhandedness transcend the realm of physical assault, (Mt. 5:21-30.) Covert crimes focus persistently on character and emotional murder, and manifest in backhanded enmity, slander, chronic adultery, lies, financial ruin, theft, and everything that is vile, dangerous, and destructive.
It is important to know that God, the just Judge, does not condemn physical abusers, (even rapists, child molesters, adulterers, etcetera,) while exonerating emotional murderers driven by unforgiveness, slander, and vengeance. Just as physical murderers, unrepentant spiritual and emotional murderers will not enter into heaven. Rev. 22:13-17, “Blessed are those who do My [moral] commandments that they may have the right to enter through the gates into the city [or heaven.] But outside are dogs… [those who are ‘spiritually unclean’ as dogs were under Old Testament law.]” In New Testament terms, this means those who do not truly accept and follow Jesus obediently, but are merely outwardly religious without ever knowing Jesus, or obeying His Word and Moral Law, (Jn. 13:34.) Consequently, they did not experience spiritual cleansing through His completed atonement on the cross. Such unregenerate sinners, who persistently choose to uphold their sin, (whether they seem religious or not,) must repent while they can. God will not tolerate sin indefinitely. “For [outside heaven are also all the] sorcerers, [who commit spiritual and emotional witchcraft against God and His creation, and all the] sexually immoral, murderers, idolaters, and whoever loves and practices a lie…”
Abuse of the Context makes Truth into a lie
Troublemaking manipulators and bullies do not only lie unashamedly. Just as their lying father the devil, (Jn. 8:44,) they deliberately contort and misinterpret specific situations, misinterpret the meaning of words, and the context of facts and conversations; effectively making truth into dangerous lies to cause torment and trouble for the abused. Everything that is evil comes from the devil. Yet, he can also do a lot of ‘good’ if he so chooses, because he built his evil ways on hypocrisy and deception. Being the self-corrupted entity that he is, the devil does nothing for good without turning it into bad. And this is exactly how his double-minded disciples of darkness choose to lead their secretive, double lives in this world.
ABUSE IS A TWO-WAY STREET
When the abused are defenseless little children before the age of accountability and helpless animals, the problem of surrendering to mindless torture cannot enter the scene. However, the abused must realize that abusers as well as vengeful victims turned abusers, are all unscrupulous narcissists, (lovers of themselves,) who command unconditional submission to their spiteful afflictions. ‘Narcissism’ is typified by a personality disorder where, in their self-adoring minds, they completely overestimate their own looks, intellect, power, wealth, social status, and their ‘good’ works. Narcissists arrogantly place themselves on a ‘higher’ creation level than other people, whom they dehumanize as ‘lesser’ beings. To function in society, narcissists require the slavish admiration of the so-called ‘lesser’ members of their families and societies, which must continually “feed” their grandiosity with undivided attention and glorification.
So, domination and submission; power and helplessness; control and compliance are therefore counter-sides of the same evil coin of abuse. This applies to all forms of abuse — the abuse of vengeful victims turned passive aggressors too! An abuser can never function without a victim to dominate and control; while a victim can never suffer – and continue to suffer, without the domination and control of an unrelenting abuser.
Once the abuser stops the abuse, the victim, in essence, is free, and can begin to heal from the wounds of abuse God's Way. Yet, there is never a guarantee that abusers will stop their abuse. Most abusers are so set in their ways they only grow worse over time as they systematically strengthen the nooses around the necks of the abused. They thrive on the ‘powerful’ belief that victims have absolutely no way of escape. So, the abused, either unknowingly or knowingly, choose to keep on fixating on abusers; effectively choosing to keep themselves in bondage them, even if they do have a way of escape. But Jesus’ Moral Law commanded the abused to sever themselves from death and darkness as far as possible.
ABUSIVE CONTROL CAN BE HIGHLY ADDICTIVE
Let us not fool ourselves. Abusers are mentally disturbed, but highly intelligent, persuasive people, who pretend most convincingly that they are nice and perfectly normal. In addition, let us not overlook the fact that to live under the escalating indoctrination and oppression of abusers, affect their victims in terrible ways.
As seen, Stockholm Syndrome is a term used for the mental disorder that shapes the beliefs and behavior of those, who were blinded by the so-called “goodness” of their abusers, to idolize them as “loving, caring, and kind.” However, the “good” part of the abuser is a complete farce. The cruel, controlling, thieving, lying, adulterating, violent manipulator and child molester is the real person! Abusers are expert male and female con artists. Everything about them is a pretence. They are exactly like the Pharisees, whom Jesus said, are “whitewashed” graves that look beautiful outwardly, but are filled with [toxic, stinking,] dead bones that nobody sees, (Mt. 23:27.)
Stockholm Syndrome is similar to “trauma bonding.” Abusers use both these sadistic, psychological, mind-altering processes to distort the truth and reality about them and everything else. As per the example at the beginning of this study, that most evil “gentleman” actually never married his good wife as he was adulterating since their engagement, although he kept up the façade of the ‘perfect husband’ for nearly a whole lifetime while leading a completely double life. The same happened when he supposedly ‘gave his life to Jesus.’ He prayed, praised, ministered, and sat at the Lord’s table without ever cleaning out the ‘stinking, dead bones’ in his heart, soul, and life. His wife had no way of knowing that the agenda of abusers is to make victims see abuse as love and abusers as good, etcetera. She “instinctively” began to realize there was something dreadfully wrong with him. However, he so cleverly deflected all her concerns, (directed attention away from the issue to something else,) to cover everything with secrecy and lies, she had no other choice but to keep on living with him. Naturally, she kept on praying he would truly repent — without any change ever occurring in him, as he chose to be incessantly evil. God has a “million” ways to deal with unrepentant people, but He will not take His gift of free will away from anyone. That is why hard-hearted criminals who choose their sin, always remain non-responsive.
Not all traumatized people and animals “bond” with their abusers. Trauma bonding and Stockholm Syndrome are phenomena that victims manifest to “cope” with constant abuse. Such spiritual and emotional blindness, and deranged loyalties overcome most, if not all, chronically abused people to lead them down the proverbial rabbit hole of bondage to psychopathic people and their brilliant tricks. These conditions duplicate addiction to drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, etcetera. Such victims are dependent on the distorted “excitement” of abuse and the perceived “goodness” of abusers. A life of “submit or perish” became their “new normal.” This is a catastrophic condition where people believe they cannot live without a substance such as alcohol - or they cannot live without their abusers’ so-called “goodness” to them. As a defense mechanism, they tolerate the abuse and form their own fuzzy ‘facts’ about “love and care,” to justify why they endure such destructive behavior. The goal of all these confusing mind games, is so abusers can actually “think” for the abused and through total control, define their thoughts, truth, and reality.
Abusers always force victims to believe the abuse ‘never happened’ or ‘wasn’t that bad.’ So, unless the abused face the truth about their abusers and the reality of the abuse, they will always yearn and strive for their so-called ‘acceptance, affection, and protection,’ (even to the extent of patterning their own characters and abusive deeds after that of their tormentors,) while in reality, they will never be able to get what they desire, no matter how well they protect and follow the evil characters and ways of their abusers. This is why battered wives hysterically attack the police when a neighbor calls in a case of domestic violence. Most often, abuse-dependent victims fiercely defend their abusers, aiding abusers in their satanic works; spreading and repeating their manipulative lies, and justifying and minimizing their incredibly destructive sins! For instance, a deceived and also abusing mother claimed, “How can you say he abused you all your life and never showed you fatherly love? He was just a very determined person and demanded complete obedience; everyone knew him like that, that’s just the way he was!”
What she suffered and also manifested, is a clear case of constant mind-control and raw physical abuse that turned into admiration, because co-dependent victims of abuse secretly believe they will never be able to survive without their oppressors. Also, because of constant shaming and guilting, (brainwashing victims to believe it is a shame to speak out against the abuser and tell the truth, as it is actually all the victims’ fault not the abusers,’) they choose to either ignore or glorify their abusers instead of exposing them for the good of society as God commanded in Ephesians 5:11.
Such misplaced idolizing of evil people and the cover-up of their evil deeds, usually keep on escalating in the minds of the abused long after their abusers’ death; mounting to even the violent protection of those sadistic satanists, who never surrendered to God to obey His Moral Law of Love. They say things like, “No one dares to say a word about him (or her!) He (or she) is dead — how evil are you to dig up the past; have you no respect for the dead? Leave him (or her) alone! What he (or she) did or did not do has nothing to do with you or anyone else!” Or: “I cannot laugh out loud, buy new clothes, or tell the truth about what he/she did, because he/she is watching me from the other side…” In fact, the “dead [are truly gone and] know nothing about what is going on in life,” (Prov. 9:5-6.)
If victims allow the demonic control of Trauma Bonding or Stockholm Syndrome over their minds, they actually help abusers to accomplish the complete distortion of God’s inward Moral Law that must guide all people — our “conscience;” “discernment” between right and wrong or truth and lie; our “gut feeling” or “knowing,” where the Holy Spirit speaks, (Jn. 16:8-11.) Constantly quieting or overriding these “markers,” which are the grace of God to stay in the truth, boil down to His warning in Isa. 5:20, “Woe to those who call evil good and good evil. Who put darkness for light and light for darkness. Who put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!” That is why such distortion of facts, reality, and God’s Moral Law invite ever deepening deception.
¨ What’s more, victims of abuse usually suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which some soldiers, other traumatized people, and even abused animals that experienced terrifying events, face. The most common symptoms of PTSD are anxiety, nightmares, and flashbacks. People suffering from PTSD must take themselves, their whole lives, the situation, and those demented bullies directly to the throne of Jesus. They must pour out everything in prayer, ask healing, and give forgiveness. That does not mean they say that the abuse was (or is) okay. It means they surrender their abusers into the hands of the Righteous Judge of the universe, the Lord Jesus Christ, and deny themselves all hatred and vengeance. The best self-help therapy is then to prayerfully research their problems to understand, and to get to terms with the nature and mechanisms of the abuse and abusers. If necessary, they may seek counseling from Godly, informed believers. Jesus said we will know the truth (of His Word, abusers, the situation, and ourselves,) and the Truth (about everything) will set us free.
The frog-experiment demonstrates how brilliant abusers such as narcissists implement psychological enslavement
In addition to co-dependency on abusers through trauma-bonding, the process of addiction to spiritual, emotional, and physical abuse is well-illustrated by the experiment with the frog, which would immediately jump out of the pot when it is placed in hot water, while it would sit in the water and slowly cook to death if the water is gradually heated.
By slowly escalating the abuse, abusers gradually immerse their victims into compliance and passivity. Over time, abusers cleverly brainwash their victims through physical and psychological torture such as “gaslighting” to distort their perception of reality. “Gaslighting” means to undermine the sober-mindedness of the abused by constantly confusing truth and reality to totally confuse, disorientate, and disempower them. The aim of such mind games is to make the abused doubt themselves, their self-worth, their actual role in the situation, (are they really the guilty party or not,) and their sanity. Once victims accept these false narratives for their lives, those beasts skillfully manipulate them into submission to, and acceptance of their sin and lies, to drag them down into their sewerage holes of hidden filth and satanic control.
Without the submission, ignorance, denial, and self-deception of the abused, abusers cannot effectively control them. However, as long as they remain oblivious to the reality of the abuse, overlook or minimizes the severity and extent of the abuse, or refuse to see abusers for who they really are, and what they were (and are) really doing, the abused will remain under their expanding control.
It is no wonder that Jesus said, “You shall know the truth [about His Word and our circumstances,] and the truth shall set you free.” Sadly, many victims choose to live in denial rather than to face the disruptive, destroying facts. This is so because, among other important things, abusers destroy their independence, will to survive, self-worth, and logic thinking. For instance, it is really difficult and heart-breaking to see that drunken dad for the dirty, lazy, rude, aggressive wife and child beater, and sponger that he really is (or was.) It is easier to think of alcoholism as an “illness;” believing that he (or she) was a helpless by-product of a sick society, oppressing family, or political system. Searching for excuses to blame the alcohol, drugs, and everyone else that could have been even remotely involved, instead of taking a long, hard look at the abuser behind the bottle or the molestation, is not always easy. Still, it is the only way to break free from Satan’s enslavement to abusers, who have no absolutely no empathy for their victims, because they lack moral conscience.
ABUSE IS A DEMONIC DEHUMANIZING POWER
True to the crafty nature of its master the devil, the sin of abuse also pivots on dehumanizing techniques. As said, by making the abused into ‘lesser’ beings, abusers assume such superiority over them they arrogantly think it is their ‘right’ to torture them even to physical death; believing they “cannot really do wrong by harming and killing sub-humans.” Just think how many helpless babies were gradually beaten to death by their fathers and the demoniac boyfriends of their mothers, while the mothers did nothing to intervene! I believe those mother monsters and their insane men merely saw those babies as ‘nuisances,’ which interfered with their time and pleasures. Someone aptly wrote, “Abusers make somebody less human by destroying his or her humanity, right to life, character, good name, Godly work, and self-worth; taking away his or her individuality, the creative and interesting aspects of his or her personality, his or her compassion, and sensitivity towards others.”
Behind and inside every willfully unrepentant abuser are murderous demons, (or a whole legion of demons,) commanded by Satan himself, even if those demoniacs profess Jesus Christ. It is impossible to serve God and Mammon, Jesus said – or God and unrepentant sin of all sorts. Willing, sincere repentance from sin is always the mark of a true believer. So, victims of abuse must realize that all forms of unrepented abuse are planned, and maliciously executed from the throne of that fallen angel, whom the Life-giving Jesus called “the thief, who does not come except to steal, kill, and destroy,” (Jn. 10:10.)
The crime of abuse transcends this realm. Without mincing His words, Jesus referred to Satan’s unrepentant human helpers, the devil’s physical instruments of abuse, as those who “are of their father the devil, and the desires of their father they want to do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own resources, for he is a liar and the father of it,” (Jn. 10:10; 8:44.) Let us not deceive ourselves. All unrepentant abusers are emotional and even physical murderers.
Although the truth, with the motive to resolve and heal, often hurts deeply; deliberate lies and manipulation, which undermine our neighbor’s spirit, soul, intellect, body, gifts, work, loved ones, and life, are the direct, decimating voice of Satan, who chose to be the murderer of God’s “very good” creation. Sincerely born again believers of Christ will, as far as humanly possible, withhold malicious attacks on others, for “to love a lie and practice a lie” is manifesting the nature of Satan. (As discussed in this study, to confront sin openly and honestly by talking to the abuser, is a commandment of God and not condemnation or an attack on the person, Mt. 18:15-20.) On the other hand, the unrepentant, corrupt “fruits” of character assassination distinguish false, hypocritical Christians from true believers in Christ.
In the end, abusers themselves will not escape the destruction of their father the devil. Sooner or later, those bound by hatred that manifests in covert crimes, will self-destruct. Satan does not really ‘reward’ abusers while torturing and annihilating the deceived, helpless, and defenseless. The evil one is out to destroy God’s entire creation. He has set his attention on humanity in particular. One thing is certain, if that first and great abuser, Satan, cannot deceive or oppress people into submitting to him and following him, he sends his human demoniacs to wield their dark swords. The devil taught them to grant no mercy or a way of escape, in order to sadistically wear their victims down by torturing them beyond all reason and human endurance — even onto death itself.
But I have news for the oppressed! Jesus revealed Himself though His Word so that we may have life and peace. Jesus said we will have hardship in this world, but we can take courage because He overcame the world! (Jn. 16:33.)