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THE STRUGGLES OF SEXUALLY ABUSED PEOPLE ARE MULTIFOLD  

Renette Vermeulen

 

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Facebook Post, September 13, 2019

All the other issues such as anger and “low esteem” aside, on the intimate side, those who were sexually abused are tormented by any or a combination of the following problems. According to the extent, severity, and the length of the abuse, and whether incest was involved or not, they can be harassed by demons of lust that also pester them after they come to Christ. They can freeze in marital relationships; be afraid to start a family of their own; become addicted to fornication; turn into sexual predators themselves, and even embrace homosexualism or lesbianism. 

I did this article because many people consult me on these problems. There is hardly a family that was not tainted by this evil, but by God’s grace I am one of the few fortunate ones who escaped such vandalism of the human body, which must be a temple of the Holy Spirit, (1 Cor. 6:15-20.) Let us forget psychologists and so-called church and other ‘deliverers;’ they are way off base. Therefore, they can only do harm not good. Let us get to the Only Answer: Jesus and the Truth of His Word. He promised that His Truth [of Scripture and all troubling situations] will set us free. 

Love between a husband and wife is the only intimate relationship that can exist in God.  Not even in marriage can Godly intimacy exist without love.  This usually adds to the turmoil of sexually abused people. They remain emotionally torn between the holiness of marriage and the dirt of the molestations, and some view all forms of intimacy as unclean. Thus, many believers feel unworthy of a good spouse’s love and guilty because they are not satisfied with the relationship. Often, the sanctity of marriage is not enough for them and the constant pull of dark forces lead many to continuously seek sensation outside of marriage. 

 

This article focuses on the person who is sexually fridget but is blessed with a spouse that loves him or her. They probably struggle the most – not to mention the mostly unknown struggles of the innocent spouse. 

Yet, other victims of sexual abuse are not excluded here.  Among them stand those who have no one to talk to and no one to trust.  The Truth of God’s Word and His immovable Scriptural promises apply to everyone who has suffered such terrible fear, loneliness, confusion, humiliation, and harm. 

Most of these victims lost their love and trust — even their faith in and reliance on God — over a period of time.  Thus, their coldness, confusion, anger, passivity, fears, guilt, lusts, hopelessness, and resultant defeat against the emotional attacks of the enemy, can push them into a merciless swamp; pulling their innocent spouses and other loved ones with them. They are usually assaulted by unspeakable thoughts and desires as soon as they decide to live a holy life in Christ. But it is only when we totally surrender ourselves and everything else to God and the Truth of His Word that true healing can begin, (Jam. 4:7-8.)

Thus, such deeply torn people must work at their Scriptural relationship with God above all, and build their relationship with their good spouses and the other people around them at the same time. As they practice obedience to Jesus by surrendering themselves totally to Him, their good spouses, and trustworthy family and friends, He will heal their thoughts and emotions by the wounds and punishment He had endured in their place, (Isa. 53:3-5.)  It might be instantly or a long process, but God is faithful and will never forsake His sincere, blood-bought disciples, (Heb. 5:8: Isa. 43:1-3.) 

I encourage all blood-cleansed believers who are battling against the assaults and lies of the enemy, which only intend to rob them of their peace and blessing in Jesus, to confront and work through all the issues if they have not done so already, (Mt. 18:15-20.)  After that, they must stand firm on their freedom while obeying God Who declared in Isa. 1:18, “[First turn away and flee from all these things as far as possible, and from all the people that have harmed you, (Eph. 5:11; 2 Cor. 10:3-5.)]  Come now, and let us reason together. [Tell Me exactly how you feel and what ails you.  Then understand the following.] Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow. Though they are red like crimson, they shall be as wool. If you are willing and obedient [to My Moral Law,] you shall eat the good of the land… …If you [sincerely] confess our sins, I will be faithful and just to forgive you your sins and to cleanse you from ALL unrighteousness…  For in Christ, you have [present tense] redemption [full deliverance] through His blood [which is] the forgiveness of sins according to His grace,” (Mt. 18:15-20; 1 Jn. 1:7-10; Jn. 13:34; Eph. 1:7.) 

Dearly beloved, take these promises from the Most High God Himself and stand up and fight to get what you probably never had. God said it and we must all believe it and make it ours. If we confess and repent from our sins, but keep on confessing the same sins over and over again because the devil lies to us to makes us feel guilty and unworthy after we have repented from sin, technically, God “doesn’t know” what we are talking about.  He has already scrubbed us utterly clean in the blood of Jesus! So, who can bring a charge against His Holy-Spirit filled body and holy temple? (Rom. 8:1-11.) 

 

Thus, no matter what happened in the past, all abused people must decidedly and in complete dependency upon the Holy Spirit, move forward in Christ.  Do not despise little advances and do not be discouraged by failures. 

Should you fall, get right up and flee back to the feet of Jesus, (Jn. 6:37; 1 Jn. 1:8-10; Jam. 3:2.) 

Never shy away from Jesus and throw your blessings in the fire, but cherish your good spouses, family, and friends because He had entrusted them to you. True love can only flourish in giving of ourselves, but do not surrender yourself to the dictates and control of abusers, (Mt. 7:6 KJV.)  Do not allow anyone to steal your peace in the Lord Jesus Christ.  Surely, you are not living in that dirt anymore.  So, do not invite new dirt into your life. Terrible as it was, it is over now; gone forever. You are safe under the full protection of Jesus as long as you stay at His feet. 

So, all those who shy away from intimacy with their good wives and husbands, must make a choice to constantly work on their love for God and their spouses.  Decide never to push your good wives and husbands away.  Concentrate on your faithful spouse’s love for you.  Turn your marriage into a continuous romance. Dress up for your spouse; do candlelight dinners, do interesting things together, etcetera, and cultivate your friendship and love for each other. All the while, decidedly surrender yourself to your good spouse in Godly love - and the intimacy in marriage will naturally follow as you fall in love with each other again.  

Stop the destruction of the enemy by submitting to his plan to let you implode upon yourself by constantly focussing on what you have lost and suffered.  Choose to live beyond the isolating borders you have set up around yourself.  Make time for your loving family and faithful friends, and be kind to strangers where possible. Our planet is filled with lonely people. Prayerfully reach out to the lost, the suffering, orphans, widows, and the elderly, by being available to them as God opens doors for you.  Ask the Holy Spirit to bring you to those who need Him, and whose needs you will understand. Visit those in hospital if God calls you to do that. Join the volunteers that help at an animal shelter if you have a heart for God’s abused creatures.  Start a hobby.  Tend your home and garden if you have a garden.  Work at it prayerfully and ask the Holy Spirit to lead you through it all. Normality in your relationships will follow to bless both yourself and other people.

Jesus is the God of Love Who declared in Ps. 72:12-19, “He will deliver the needy when he cries. The poor also, and him who has no helper. He will spare the poor and needy, and will save their souls. He will redeem them [with His blood] from oppression and violence… (v. 18,) Blessed be the Lord God, Who only does wondrous things! And blessed be His glorious Name forever…” 

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