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 Renette Vermeulen




 high conflict.jpg 

[Acknowledgement to the person who compiled and published this image]



Please note 

The study of human behavior, as also found in psychology but not so much in psychiatry, is the crux of this article; confirmed and guided by the never-changing, Scriptural Word of the Lord Jesus Christ.  Nevertheless, as many psychologists also use psychiatry in their “talk therapy,” one must be careful to “test and prove everything to see if it is from God,” (1 Ths. 5:21-22.)  Additionally, where the word “victim” is used, it does not mean a “victim mentality that merely seeks sympathy” or anything similar.  It factually refers to the true “injured parties,” “fatalities,” or “casualties” of barnyard bullies, narcissists, psychopaths, and other sadists. 



¨ Narcissism is not natural self-love but “the most severe pathology and the root of destructiveness in humanity” 

¨ God clearly commands recourse to deal with narcissistic psychopaths 

¨ A list to identify mistakes with narcissistic abusers

¨ Narcissists and their unbelievable tactics explained in more detail 

¨ What the abused can do to help themselves overcome God’s Way  


Related articles

Narcissists work with demonic power and are addicted to sex, violence, and power 

How to avoid getting stuck in bad relationships with psychopathic narcissists           

So-called “passive” aggressive behavior is covert narcissism 



No normal person suspects that narcissists do not ‘merely’ think higher of themselves than they should, (Rom. 12:3 KJV.)  However, those seemingly ‘good’ but untrustworthy, either raging or passive-aggressive people, (or a combination of both,) who started out so well but have been “losing it on and off during their lives,” were named “grandiose sadistic psychopaths” by psychologist Eric Fromm.  He described this secretive ‘personality disorder’ as “malignant narcissism, [like in undetected, progressive cancer;] representing the quintessence of evil.  It is the most severe pathology and the root of the most vicious destructiveness in inhumanity.”  Paul confirmed his statement in 1 Timothy 3:1-16 as “dangerous lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud… traitors, headstrong, haughty… [and mostly very religious…]”  

Even more disturbing, psychologists agree that ‘narcissism personality disorder’ is a deliberate choice, not mental illness.  To strangers and those they choose to target, narcissists flare open their nets by pretending to be perfect ‘gentlemen and ladies.’  Not even those related to them, although they ‘know’ there is something wrong with them, can suspect that such “decent” people are actually possessed by power madness, reckless greed, and a mindset of total control, which turn them into deadly predators of the innocent and destroyers of the unsuspecting. 

Though narcissists often profess even personally born again allegiance to Jesus, the true God of the Bible does not share His temple with immoral scoffers, (1 Cor. 6:15-20; Prov. 22:10-11.)  Thus, they secretly reject God, morality, and conscience to maintain their dedicated self-worship, and to lead their completely double lives as two different people.  They also pretend to be nice and normal, while mostly in secret but also openly if they so choose, they go to all extremes to create chaos.  Their motive is to use both negative and positive attention to “feed” their insatiable need for power and control through extreme excitement, hyper sexuality, sadistic dominance, and illogic arguments, which they use to taunt and provoke their victims to anger to justify their intimidation and blind rages.  E.g., “You dare to defy me so I’ll show you!” 


Narcissists literally live off all types of brutality, which they only exert on the defenseless because they are natural born cowards.  Covertly, they do anything immoral and illegal to puff their grossly inflated egos.  Boundaries do not exist for them.  Backhandedly, they turn everything good into dirty power games such as rape, child molestation, and unrelenting adultery; disregarding all honesty, fidelity, and accountability.  They adhere to only one belief: they have the ‘right’ to do exactly as they please for as long as they choose, without considering any lawful and moral implications

Thus, God warned in Malachi 2:13-16 that where there is violence in a home, it is always seated in adultery.  Adultery, (sprouting from all types of unmentionable fornication,) is the ultimate narcissistic hate-crime against God, His holy marriage covenant, and good spouses.  Sexual sin is the great perversion that leads to emotional and physical murder in relationships, marriages, and among family members, (1 Jn. 3:15.) 

¨ The narcissist-psychopath serial killer Ted Bundy said, “All the violent offenders I met in prison, just like me, without question or exception, every one of them was deeply involved, influenced, addicted, and consumed by pornography…” 

¨ It is a fact that narcissism and psychopathy work hand in glove to manifest through remorseless people that are “past [or without] feeling,” as Paul warned in Ephesians 4:17-19.  As narcissism can be described as unregretful, backhanded sabotage, it also presents itself through a lifetime of lies, manipulation, fornication, alcoholism, drug addiction, the ruining of property and finances, etcetera; all combined in the same individual.  Add to these extremely toxic behaviors secrecy and evil genius as and when it suits them, and you have pure, aggressive, self-entitled danger to life and limb. 


To get through people’s natural resistance to prove their supremacy, narcissists choose to constantly engage with empathetic optimists who believe there is good in all people, and they, (the empaths,) are strong, lovable, and enduring enough to supposedly “change” them into ‘moral’ individuals.  So, when empaths submit to narcissists, they unwittingly enter into a lifestyle of constant contention.  Even when the abuse eventually escalates out of control, most empaths still do not understand, and thus refuse to accept, that these abusers are totally unreachable, unteachable, and despite all human efforts, unchangeable.  E.g., they lack empathy because they are psychopaths.  As seen in the interview with Ted Bundy, all serious mental disturbances are based on a combination of narcissism and psychopathy.  But try telling people in love with narcissists or those who were trauma and treason bonded by them that they are in the hands of the devil… 

After carefully choosing their targets during the initial “love” and “helpful” stages, narcissists exert their abuse on them so systematically, the victims gradually become so trauma and treason bonded, they hardly ever recognize such appalling behavior as abuse — apart from the deep, gut feeling that something is terribly wrong somehow.  But time and again, these masters of manipulation blast all doubts about their sincerity into smithereens with renewed “love” and “friendliness,” which only lasts until their next surge of abuse plunges their victims deeper into their matrix of deception. 

So, the real personality traits and agenda of narcissists remain hidden to outsiders, while they bombard and confuse the abused to such an extent, most are never able to pinpoint what is wrong with these evil geniuses.  Yet, without any clear reasons, narcissists constantly threaten their lives, treat them treacherously, overlook serious matters, and illogically rant and rage over trivial things. The consequences of such psychological and physical abuse are multi-tiered and disastrous.


Psychologists differentiate between certain ‘degrees’ of narcissism; making some less dangerous than others, and they call some “overt” and other “covert” narcissists.  Yet, from nearly fifty years experience with a whole clan of narcissists, I found that narcissism consists of a caustic combination of both grandiose and secret obliteration; depending on how they choose to adapt to situations to disrespect, invalidate, and torture the abused.  They also willfully manifest various personalities under different circumstances.  As they exploit both negative and positive attention to ‘feed’ their grandiosity, they place themselves beyond reason, reach, and help.  So, they never change but grow worse over time.   



This article is about the realization that the abused must overcome abuse God’s Scriptural Way because their lives, and especially their eternal lives, are their personal responsibility.  Through the ages, abusers have been destroying gullible people on all levels of life, but now “the Spirit warns that in the last days dangerous times will come, for men will be lovers of themselves… [treacherous narcissists.] For this sort are those who creep into households [to ruin the innocent] with various lusts… having a form of godliness but denying it’s [reality] and power.  From such turn away!”  (2  Tim. 3:1-8.) 

Narcissism has exploded globally over the last years, and Jesus prophesied it will only grow worse until He returns. 

Unless victims of abuse understand and face the facts about what God’s Word really says about dealing with abusers, and until they acquire knowledge about who they are actually dealing with, how they were ‘addicted’ to them and why, and what they must do to take control of their emotions and their own lives, they will always be their deceived punching bags. 

Proverbs 22:10 (KJV) inarguably states, “Cast out the scoffer, [mocker, persecutor, provoker, unbeliever,] and contention, [arguments, disagreement, discord,] will leave.  Yes, strife, [yelling, fighting, violence] and reproach, [outrage, shame, scolding, swearing, and failure making,] will cease.”  Paul warned in 2 Corinthians 6:11-18, “...You are restricted, [limited, controlled,] by your own [misplaced] affections... [Never see abuse as love!] Be not unequally yoked together with unbelievers; for what fellowship has righteousness with unrighteousness?  What communion has light with darkness? …Come out from among them and be separateDo not touch what is unclean, says the Lord, and I will receive you.” 


As long as the abused think they can change wilfully unrepentant people, while actually enabling their abuse by covering their sin and finding excuses for them, there is no hope to be delivered and healed from narcissistic abuse, (Rom. 1:32.) 

This is no longer about changing narcissist psychopaths; we can only change ourselves.  God did not call us to change other people — which is impossible without their consent and submission to Him, (Jn. 1:12-14.)  Jesus commissioned us to preach His Truth and to ‘agape’ or “love” people in deed and truth.  We all must “submit to one another” in everything good and Godly, and work together to grow emotionally to glorify God, (Eph. 5:21; Rom. 12:1-3.)  Narcissist never submit to anyone



¨ Stop confronting them in search of sanity, morality, and closure; you are playing into their hands to harm you.  You cannot communicate with geniuses who use false and distorted reasoning, projection, and blame shifting to push you into their boxing rings where they knock the living daylights out of you.  They are “high conflict” pervertors who use everything you say against you.  Whatever you say about their behavior, is exactly what they will make you into openly and to everyone else behind your back.  And what you told them in confidence, they will always use against you. 

¨ Stop beating yourself up for falling under their spell and secret theft of everything; beginning with your life, trust, love, family, work, finances, etcetera.  They are constantly committing emotional and physical murder on you, (e.g., undermining your sanity and meticulously dismantling your health.) Meanwhile, they deliberately destroy your fidelity, forgiveness, finances, and everything precious to you. Jesus warned, “The devil [only comes] to steal, murder, and destroy…”  Paraphrased, Jesus said, ‘Do not fool yourself. Those who remorselessly persist in these satanic tendencies’ “are of their father the devil, and his desires they choose to [unrepentantly] do,” (Jn. 10:10; 8:44.)  Jesus actually called these thieves, murderers, and destroyers “Satanists,” because they could not and cannot do such terrible, secret and obvious harm for so long and get away with it, unless they are possessed by evil forces.  What’s more, they are such perfect pretenders, no human could know who really lives inside them.  God explained in 1 Corinthians 2:11, “What [human being] knows a man’s thoughts except the spirit of the man, [his own human spirit,] which is in him?” 

¨ So, stop hoping they will come to their senses; they chose to be immoral, empty shells filled with self-importance. 

¨ Stop expecting them to confess their sin and tell you the truth; they are habitual liars and crafty puppeteers that callously torture and humiliate their victims as a never-ending game to amuse and magnify themselves. 

¨ Stop repeating yourself; it’s a cruel, deceptive practice to disrespect and invalidate you, and provoke you to anger. 

¨ Stop trying to explain; they’re not deaf or retarded but vampirously feed off your hopelessness and frustration. 

¨ Stop accepting their clever excuses, illogic explanations, and false promises; they choose to remain guilty as they will never change.  They have no intention to accept responsibility, honor their word, repent form their harm, or do good. 

¨ Stop living in denial and face the facts; Jesus said you will know them by their [unrepentant] fruit, not their promises

¨ Stop forgiving or overlooking their unrepented crimes; to them, your constant forgiveness translates into a licence to sin 

¨ Stop trusting them and giving them chances; they distort truth and misrepresent reality, (called gaslighting,) and so, they define the way you think and perceive them, other people, yourself, life in general, and even God and His Word. 

¨ Stop seeing abuse as love and care; narcissists are unscrupulous sadists that deliberately harm and humiliate you to trauma and treason bond you to them.  This means they enjoy abusing you openly, secretly, and on a multilevel until you are so stunned and confused you ‘love’ and defend them as a survival mechanism; (called Stockholm Syndrome,) believing you cannot live without them, are totally dependant upon them, and their abuse is “not all bad.” 

¨ Stop the guilt and sympathy; they play on your feelings with sob stories while they carefully targeted you and calculate every murderous move against you, (1 Jn. 3:15.)  The reality is that abuse is hatred and emotional murder not ‘love!’ 

¨ Stop thinking they feel sorry for you; they have no conviction of sin and do not feel remorse or empathy.  If they did, they would not have escalated the abuse instead of repenting from it to do restitution as far as possible, (Lev. 6:1-5.) 

¨ Stop believing the “abuse never happened.”  Abuse is intentional harm. They expertly alternate between care and abuse to hoodwink and confuse you.  They mess with your mind to make you believe their lies and submit to deceit. 

¨ Stop believing you can talk sense to them and change them; they are expert blame shifters that intentionally pull you into arguments to open you to their provocation, disrespect, and violence, while they mirror their filth unto youAll kinds of attention feed their ‘magnificence,’ and strengthen their power, and overt and covert dominance over you.  

¨ Stop wondering why they recklessly endanger your life and never protect or defend you against danger or the victimisation of others.  They deliberately trauma bond you to them by creating chaos and danger, and they are inherent cowards who only regard and defend themselves.  That is why they are the biggest barnyard bullies alive.  They derive intense pleasure from making you suffer, and they also revel when others make you suffer

¨ Stop saying they are actually “good;  they are skilled pretenders with double characters that lead evil, double lives. The destroyer that destabilizes you and makes your life a living hell is the real person.  Narcissists seek deceived adversaries who think they are their ‘loving companions.’ Their control systematically wears all ‘opposition’ down. 

¨ Stop hiding the shame they caused and shifted unto you; they brainwashed you to cover their destruction. 

¨ Stop believing you are mean, nasty, selfish, silly, or jealous; they assume entitlement or the right to molest children, fornicate, adulterate, violate, ravage, deceive, steal, etcetera, and lead double lives “just because they can.” 

¨ Stop believing you are guilty and unfair when you set boundaries; they play mind games with you to keep you in a state of confusion and deception.  And don’t think they will honor any boundaries, they do exactly as they please. 

¨ Stop believing you are the crazy one; they bamboozle you by distorting truth, and misplacing and moving your stuff

¨ Stop blaming other people for what ‘happened’ and things that disappeared; they are clever saboteurs that make you overlook their infidelity and inconceivable, underhanded devastation to create enmity between you and you loved ones

¨ Stop believing “you are so disturbed you assault, provoke, cheat, hurt, taunt, and aggressively make fun of yourself.”  Everything they do is very real and intentional to blur your perceptions and make you believe you are losing your mind.

¨ Stop thinking your are disturbed to feel trapped;  they always inspect and control your whole life to keep you hostage.

¨ Stop believing you are alone; they deliberately and systematically isolate you from all your support systems. 

¨ Stop believing their false accusations and think you are confused and stupid because you cannot understand what they are doing to you.  They are stealthy masterminds that want to possess your mind to reflect their shame unto you

¨ Stop thinking there is something wrong with you as they supposedly cannot smell stench or taste bad food or something like that; they have desensitized themselves to consume everything dirty and commit every despicable, indecent act.

¨ Stop thinking you are haunted by ‘other’ people; they derive their ‘sixth-sense’ and cunning abilities from demons.

¨ Stop thinking you can discover a means to win against them.  Believe what God commanded in Proverbs 22:10, “The scoffer must be cast out for the contention, strife, and reproach to cease.”  By disengaging and going completely emotionless toward them as far as possible, you are separating yourself spiritually and emotionally from their provocation and control.  This is the only way to deprive them of their mad greed of ‘power, vitality, and vigour.’ 

¨ Stop being helpless and hopeless; also flee physically if you can.  Jesus suffered, died, and was resurrected to set you free.  This is what He is doing right now by “renewing your mind” with the truth of this physically indissolvable situation in which you find yourself, (Rom. 12:1-3.)  Understanding what narcissist psychopaths have deliberately and methodically been doing to you, is the beginning of complete freedom from them. 



The emotionally and physically “in control” narcissist   

There are uninformed people who minimize and even nullify the suffering of narcissistic abuse by saying narcissism merely exists in bouts of superficial, selfish behavior.  It is allegedly not the dangerous personality disorder that psychologists define it to be.  Well, the scary part is that real narcissists are brilliant shape-shifters that can choose to alternate between life-threatening rages and complete control of their emotions, decisions, and actions.  When they choose to dominate not by yelling, swearing, assault, provocation, and other violence but by controlled emotion and calmness, nothing can anger them while they laugh themselves into stitches to see their victims squirm in fury and frustration. 

One thing is certain.  If something outright demonic such as the non-stop torture and secret corruption of narcissists enter the scene, relationships with them become impossible.  Narcissists can be ‘composed,’ ‘caring,’ ‘pleasant,’ ‘tender-hearted,’ ‘helpful,’ ‘loving’ masterminds of both genders, who choose to subliminally exert ultimate domination over their trusting, helpless victims once they have them in their power.   This is satanic evil in power mode. 

Either grandiosely, (overtly, flamboyantly, or openly,) or covertly, (secretly and underhandedly,) or in combination of both, narcissists distort the truth and context of situations to undermine their victims psychologically and physically to dismantle their sanity and lives.  The most dangerous snakes are those that lie in wait, such as so-called ‘passive aggressive’ or ‘cold and aloof,’ covert narcissists.  Behind their perfect camouflage of goodness and so-called sophistication, hides an arrogant, entitled, disturbed being; consumed by self-interest.  Even worse, they all effortlessly pretend religiosity, and can put up holy faces that shame the angels.  But “do what thou willst” is the whole of their law, just as in all other forms of Satanism.   

When you interact with a narcissist, or actually a psychopath without conscience, you are facing off with the brilliance of Satan.  He outwardly pretends to be the ‘good’ angel but inwardly, he is driven by everything false and foul.  Thus, they never do anything good without the intention of using it for bad and to glorify themselves.  They are incapable of sincerity and fidelity, and they never speak the truth about anything except to deceive, and destroy trust and relationships.  Narcissists effortlessly pretend selflessness and humility, but they will never ask forgiveness except to fool people.  Their lives are networks of secret agendas and dirty deeds to incarcerate the unwary in their toxicity


It is a great miracle to escape narcissistic abuse 

Many people testify that they have been under the deliberate, escalating intimidation of narcissistic abuse for nearly all their lives, because this is not a death-trap narcissists allow them to escape from.  Although the abused sincerely and wholeheartedly marry, love, and honestly try to help their troubled “loved ones,” they must realize they will always remain mere conveniences and utensils to themNarcissists live to exploit all vulnerabilities, goodness, and innocence.  The more they can flatten and trample their unsuspecting victims, the more powerful they think they become. 

¨ Narcissism is incurable because these unhinged people choose to never learn from their mistakes.  Thus, they never change.  They might pretend otherwise as usual, but they actually deny all responsibility and accountability because

(Continue to What the Abused can do)