¨ narcissists easily pretend to be “God’s saved children,” their premeditated bad behavior glorifies and magnifies them to such and extent that they place themselves beyond all guilt and liability.
The insatiable greed of narcissists for more and more power and control manifests in swallowing everything and everyone whole. Prov. 30:15 explains their self-serving greed as follows, “The leech [or harlot] has two daughters, Give and Give… [for nothing and nobody else will ever satisfy them or] be enough!”
Multilevel endangerment and endless torture summarize the lives of the victims of narcissists. The secret lives of narcissists are based on disgrace, deception, blame-shifting, projection, and false accusation.
¨ Their double lives are so extensive it is impossible to determine limits on their lives. They are so resilient against resistance and discipline, there is nothing that can hinder them in growing in ungodliness. Even incarceration, sickness, accidents, exposure, rejection, and everything else that would bring normal people who strayed from morality to their knees before God, only makes them stronger and more determined to do evil.
Foolish Commitments to Narcissists are Uninformed, Foolish Faith
Sincere disciples of Jesus Christ will always strive to live by the Truth of His Word and in obedience to His Moral Law. So, according to His Word, they usually confront, plead, bargain, submit, withstand, fight, endure, and forgive a “million” times through the years; always in the hope that God can change anyone, and that the abuse will end sooner or later. Sadly, that is uninformed, foolish faith. Commitment to overcome and resolve their abuse is exactly what narcissists want.
Victims hardly ever suspect that they are merely an abundant “supply” of attention that feeds the self-perceived ‘invincibleness and magnificence’ of these demoniacs. To deceive and control, narcissists will even grovel and cry a river of tears when there is no other outcome, but their “regret” and promises always turn up empty.
Narcissistic abuse is multi-tiered because they are out to gradually but completely destroy their victims. They especially target their spiritual lives as their nonstop torture is designed to push victims into a desperate, faithless state far away from God. So don’t be surprised to find that while you were battling death in hospital and praying for them in church, they were watching pornography and indulging in orgies in your home – which they will deny until That Day when Jesus returns!
Narcissists are secret Satanists as Jesus said in John 8:44; it's the only way they can continue in such filth
Narcissists are not ‘ordinary,’ hapless criminals. Powered by strong demons, they have a “sixth sense” that protect them, help them hide their sin, and make them remain in control of situations. They don’t have to learn their extremely complicated and underhanded behaviors. The demons that indwell them empower and lead them.
Thus, it is not unusual that victims are harassed by demons keeping them awake at night, etcetera. It often ceases when they please their abusers and manifest in various ways when they displease them. Victims do not recognize this until God reveals it to them. They usually think the weird things they experience are coincidence or done by ‘other’ people who hate them. But although narcissists might even pretend to be born again believers, they are actually secret Satanists that use demons to do their dirty work and attack their victims from the spirit world as well.
Narcissistic abuse is a hilarious game to them
Disrespecting and invalidating their victims as human, they destroy their emotions and lives as part of their hilarious game. To constantly puff themselves, they smugly make it their mission to secretly cheat, confuse, and coerce their victims. (Coercion is to psychologically intimidate victims to obey their will.) The more confusion and chaos they commit, the more majestic they feel. They become ecstatic when they can, mostly secretly but also in public if they so choose, inflict pain and humiliation on their victims to stand back and watch them suffer. It is inconceivable but true that they view their devastation on the souls, personhood, names, and lives of their victims as private entertainment and self-empowerment. They sadistically vampirize or feed off the suffering and desperate reaction of their victims, which stimulate their self-worship and increase the cruelty of their underhanded destruction.
¨ Narcissists study their chosen victims beforehand to exploit vulnerabilities and opportunities such as the added ‘advantage’ of also getting to the other members of families such as the little girls, before they ensnare them with their initial “niceness.” Narcissists speak the language of their victims fluently, which is part of this great game. To arouse the empathy and loyalty of their victims, they act the perfect victims to get real victims to identify with them. They take great delight in becoming best friends, companions, and lovers, while they do not mean a word they say.
Where they see intelligence, potential, innocence, and beauty, they will strike. They are so clever and manipulative that, especially in the beginning, their victims cannot recognize their exploitation and crimes such as conning, cheating, and adultery as abuse. Duped by tearful apologies, lame excuses, and false promises, victims easily discard serious narcissist scams to get to their souls, lives, families, and money. And most dangerously, victims also overlook initial outbursts of narcissistic rage as precursors to a lifetime of suffering through, and endangerment by them.
The abused only function freely as long as narcissists allow them
The greater the challenge, the greater the satisfaction of narcissists to gain the upper hand and to bring victims into submission to them. Once that is achieved, they stealthily obliterate their victims. They will only allow their captives to function freely as long as they can bring them more and more prestige and glory — which always remain under narcissist control. As soon as victims become too independent to their liking, they will “put them in their place.” Once the nastiness of narcissism starts revealing its ugly face from behind the ‘pleasant’ personality’s façade, it becomes apparent that no amount of reasoning, patience, or care can reach the controlling beast within.
Þ Yet, narcissists always manipulate their victims to focus on, and hope for the rise of the “pleasant” person so that some form of normality can come to their lives. But the person which victims must focus on, is the beast. The beast is the narcissist, not the pretence of pleasantness. The beast will always surface again, when and how narcissists choose to manifest it. It was so from the very beginning when they began to go after their victims; they just pretended otherwise.
As all other abusers, narcissists ‘become the victims’
Narcissism can reveal itself through parents, spouses, children, friends, extended family, and people in authority such as employers and teachers, but the victims whom it most severely affects are those closest to these demoniacs.
¨ When confronted, angered, or cornered, narcissists will pretend to be the abused victims of their captives to gain support through the misplaced sympathy of more potential prisoners. They will also force their victims to bow to their dictates with vast smear campaigns, full-out isolation, and the rejection of everyone they know and cherish.
Mostly, only their victims know about some of the crimes these demoniacs unrepentantly commit. Always seeking to justify the “shortcomings” of the narcissist, the abused hardly ever identify any particular destruction as deliberate vindictiveness. (E.g., narcissists allegedly weren’t passionately chasing after serial adultery all their married lives; it was forced on them on a silver platter!) Unless the severity and extent of narcissism is explained to victims, they might never begin to understand the terrible danger they were, and are facing. It is, therefore, not uncommon that spouses may only discover after nearly a whole lifetime that narcissists never desired them, respected them, were faithful to them, or loved them. Instead, they forced them without their knowledge to share in their covert lives of deception, serial adultery, venereal disease, child molestation, alcoholism and drug addiction, destruction of friendships, families, finances, etcetera, to feed their demented minds and double lives without any fear, regret, or a thought to conscience or consequence.
Þ One of the severe affects of this multilevel abuse is that narcissists compel their victims, especially their spouses and children, to continuously stay in a combination of fight and flight mode. The goal of narcissists is to, either way, wear all resistance down. The result is that it depletes their victims emotionally, while it slowly demolishes their physical health, family and other relationships, hopes, work, and personalities.
The treacherous mind games narcissists play to devaluate their victims and get away with everything
Through a cruel technique called gaslighting, narcissists, especially after they are certain they have their victims firmly in their power and they do not have a way of escape, confuse facts and reality to cause their victims to doubt their own sanity and motives to confront their so-called “non-existent” abuse. For instance, they steal, hide, or move their victim’s belongings such as keys, clothing, furniture, and even the cutlery. And they will destroy their victims’ work, spit in their food and coffee, dip their toothbrushes in the toilet, and make things like the groceries and clothing disappear. When confronted, they will aggressively shout and swear, and accuse their victims of “losing their sick minds,” calling them “demon possessed, stupid, worthless, and senseless,” and state they are “tired of all these false accusations,” “the manufacture of facts,” “playing god over them,” and “trying to think for them and control them!”
Whatever victims expect from narcissists, is exactly what they will never get. For instance, if victims expect respect, love, fidelity, safety, truth, honesty, and support, they might get a pretence of that to momentarily set them at ease. But what they will really get is total disrespect, invalidation, infidelity, reckless endangerment, treason, and no support.
¨ The mind games of narcissists include many cruel methods to make their victims believe they are “worthless” to everyone. They will also pick on certain children and other vulnerable people to maliciously mock and tease them, and joke about their shortcomings and soft-spots. They will support people who harm their victims and never take any real interest in what is important to their spouses and families; deliberately betraying their own. If they should boast about anyone else’s accomplishment, it is only because they affiliate with their successes to promote themselves.
¨ They will automatically contradict what their victims say to make them liars, especially in front of other people. They will passively ignore and deliberately misinterpret facts and requests. They will either take over or refuse to get involved in important matters like the children’s school sports, prize giving events, and other family interests. And every confrontation that demands change or sincere participation, will be met with totally illogic arguments, yelling, foul language, violent assaults, and false accusations. In fact, to them, offense is always the best defence. To deeply shame their spouses, children, and parents with their bad behavior, especially in public, gives them great gratification.
Narcissists also pretend they did not or cannot hear or understand their victims. Thus, they will constantly make their victims repeat themselves and explain the same issue over and over again without getting through to them. This technique to provoke and illogically argue is also reserved for the abused. It is all part of demonstrating their power and making them feel in control and important. Of course, it is another twist on their hilarious game to make their victims helplessly squeal with frustration. So, everything victims must do in conjunction with the abused, such as filling out tax returns, is manipulated into terrible arguments to invalidate their input, which give narcissists reason to swear, threaten, and assault them. They will also punish their victims for withstanding and confronting their so-called ‘illogic stupidity’ by hurling dehumanizing phrases and swearwords at them, and throwing their clean washing in the trash. They also throw dangerous objects such as ornaments, lamps, couch cushions, fruit such as oranges, and other dangerous objects into their faces, repeatedly slap them in the head because they are so stupid, damage their property, and turn their God-given work, relationships, gifts, intelligence, and lives into rubbish.
Although they can be very punctual, narcissists will often make their victims wait extensively before showing up for an appointment, or to return from work, shopping, etcetera, while aggressively denying they are late. They do all this to live their double lives and to make their victims believe they, (the victims,) are nasty, clingy, and jealous. In this way, they also distort their victims’ perception of time and space, and their sanity and sanctity. Then out of the blue, serial adulterating narcissists, knowing very well that their spouses suspect their underhanded crimes, (which are nearly impossible to prove because they are so sneaky and manipulative,) will cheerfully bring them chocolates and flowers, revelling in the so-called “knowledge” of how genius they are to destroy the trust and self-worth of their spouses.
Þ Facts and proof mean nothing to narcissists. For instance, if they give their spouses venereal disease, they will, highly offended, make the doctors and laboratory technicians into liars for proving that they, the narcissists, are the culprits. And they will either blame their victims or force them to accept that one gets The Clap from toilets. If spouses push the issue to get to the truth, narcissists will fly off into a denying rampage to put the issue down.
Þ Narcissists would rather kill than acknowledge, confess, and repent from their terrible crimes. What’s more, narcissists are masterful actors in playing the victim when their sins are confronted. Someone said, “They will never talk about what they did to harm you; only how ‘insanely’ you react to their ‘unintentional mistakes.’” Thus, they chronically lie by omission of, addition to, and twisting of the truth; manufacturing their own ‘truth’ as they go along.
To live their completely double lives, narcissists baffle the minds of their victims to keep them subdued and guessing. Most victims never realize that the aim of all the suffering is the utter destruction of their spiritual, emotional, and physical health. In fact, narcissists target their victims for their entire lives, or for as long as they can exercise their authority over them without them knowing who they really are and what they are actually doing.
¨ Once they are called out, the gloves are off. They will execute inhumane smear campaigns, contrived ‘truths,’ and dangerous distortions of facts and things that were told in confidence to disarm and bring their victims into disrepute. Whatever their victims say, they will turn around and tell everyone that is exactly what their victims did to them.
¨ The most common tactic of narcissists is to isolate their victims from their spouses, family, friends, and any type of support system. This gives them a sense of invincibleness, because they are so clever they “always get away with everything.” Thus, they force their victims into a state of utter loneliness, helplessness, and hopelessness.
¨ Should victims commit suicide as a means of escape, it will blow the pride of narcissists sky-high and give them the satisfaction to believe they have achieved their ultimate mission to control their victims’ eternal destiny as well.
WHAT THE ABUSED CAN DO TO HELP THEMSELVES TO OVERCOME GOD’S WAY
We must continually pray and seek God’s wisdom through His Scriptural truth and Holy-Spirit leading in dealing with everything in our lives. Jesus must be the Only God, King, and Master of everyone and everything He entrusted to us.
But we must also take responsibility for ourselves, our actions, and decisions, as “God mostly changes our circumstances by changing us.” We are in the lifelong School of the Holy Spirit and every challenge is a learning curve. God does miracles, but if He changes ‘everything’ instantly, we will learn ‘nothing.’ (Heb. 5:8.) Although we must obey the Moral Law to agape or “love” other people, (give them the Gospel, feed them as the Spirit leads, etcetera,) each one will answer to God for himself, (Deut. 24:16.) So, we cannot expect the lawless and immoral to respect our boundaries and morality. (E.g., Do not swear at me or steal from me…) The problem is not only that they violate our boundaries, but that we step over our own sane, holy boundaries when they provoke us to become like them. We must expect that they will violate our boundaries; that is simply another challenge for them to put us down and make themselves look powerful and in control. They “feed” on our reactions. The more we “lose it,” the more they “get it.” So, to overcome them, we must practice ‘self-mastery’ by managing our emotions and make sober decisions whenever we must deal with them. We must disengage when they pull us into arguments and walk away as far as we can. They only have power over us if we stoop down to their dark level, which will constantly escalate the abuse, as no amount of sin can satisfy their need to “feed” on our demise.
¨ Jesus, when confronting the narcissistic temple leaders, never placed Himself in unnecessary danger. Many times, as it was not yet time for Him to lay down His life to buy our redemption, salvation, and blessing, He escaped when they tried to grab hold of Him. He then withdrew from them to pray and continue His ministry without allowing them to divert His attention from the will of God for His life, (Ps. 139:14-16.) Thus, Jesus commanded us to take care of our own lives in a Godly, Scriptural way. We sin if we disobey God in this area. The spirits, souls, and bodies of true believers is the temple of the Holy Spirit. “If anyone defiles His temple, God will destroy him,” (1 Cor. 2:16-17.) This is the ultimate bad news for all unrepentant sinners — narcissists especially.
¨ Then, we must research the behavior of abusers to see them for what they really are. Jesus knew exactly what He was dealing with each time He confronted the sin of the temple masters. Thus, He called them out for what they truly were. This is not swearing at them or physically fighting them, which take the abused over to their dark side and achieve nothing but ‘growing’ the grandiosity of narcissists. Without stooping to their satanic level, Jesus told them they “are of their father the devil [as they want to do his works…] They are hypocritical, whitewashed graves and a brood of vipers…” From this context, Jesus made it clear that as long as victims see abusers as “good,” they will have power over them and the abuse will keep on escalating. It is a sin to cover the sin of unrepentant people. Prov. 29:24, “Whoever partners with a thief, [and so-called “passive” aggression falls into this criterion,] hates his own life, [as the thief will destroy him; Jn. 10:10.] He swears to tell the truth [or to see the truth] but reveals nothing [to stop the abuse.]” God said in Romans 1:32, “[Unrepentant sinners] are worthy of death. And so are those who [keep quiet,] as they do the same [sin that abusers do.] By giving their approval to them, [they “feed” their darkness and destruction.]”
The abused must also realize that God forbade His disciples to submit to the unrelenting hatred of abusers, which make them emotional murderers, (1 Jn. 3:15.) We must also “love” [not idolize] ourselves and so, it is a sin to “passively” place ourselves into their hands. There is no way to calculate how many people were murdered by abusers; forced into suicide, and stealthily murdered by destroying their sanity, sanctity, and health, or how many times narcissists committed premeditated murder and walked away. Most pastors send assaulted, cheated spouses back to abusers “because marriage is binding,” while adultery instantly breaks the marriage covenant. Hence, Jesus said adulterers can be divorced. (Mt. 19:3-9.) What’s more, physical and verbal assault, sexual crimes, etcetera, are punishable by law and must not be covered to continue unhindered. Paul wrote in 2 Tim, 3:1-5, “In the last days [that we are living now,] dangerous times will come. For men will be lovers of themselves, [narcissists...] From such people turn away!” 2 Cor 6:14, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers…. [light and darkness have nothing in common.]” 1 Corinthians 15:33, “Bad company corrupt good morals…” Ephesians 5:10-13, “...Find out what is acceptable to the Lord. And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them [to warn others.] For [the things they do in secret] are shameful…”
Another vital step in dealing with unreachable people, is for the abused to distance themselves as far as possible from them. When Paul said in 1 Corinthians 6:1-11 we should not sue “the brethren,” he was not forbidding us to bring life-threatening violence, constant torment, or adultery before the law. He was saying, as far as possible, deputes must be resolved among believers. However, unrepentant so-called “believers” are not “the brethren.” Because of their decided unrepentance, Jesus said in Matthew 18:15-20 that they must be treated as “heathen and tax collectors.” This means they are dangerous to the spiritual, emotional, and physical health of believers and must be avoided.
We must not love, (agape in deed and truth,) others more than ourselves. God called us to lay down our lives to glorify Him. Squirming in the torture and filth of narcissists will take our eternal lives as it defiles God’s Holy Name and dishonor Him. If they reject Jesus, His blood atonement in their place, and the conviction of the Holy Spirit, there is no remedy for them. They will only continue to murder the abused on all levels of life and never have a slither of remorse about it.
To break emotional ties with narcissists that can pull their victims back into their sewerage zones, the abused must take responsibility for their denial and defence concerning narcissist character and crimes, so they can know exactly what they must forgive. In the end, this is the only way they can come to terms with everything they have suffered. This is not the narcissist kind of forgiveness to actually warrant the abuse. This is complete surrender to God with the clear intention not to hate and seek revenge, and thus become like narcissists, but, having done all according to His Word as far as possible, (Mt. 18:15-20,) to leave it in His hands to bring justice and redemption from them on all levels of life. This is not passivity but a rational decision, which must be prayerfully executed in reliance on the power and guidance of the Holy Spirit.
It is also necessary that victims confess and ask God’s forgiveness for personal sin such as submitting to evil and abuse; endangering the temple of the Holy Spirit, (human spirits, souls, bodies, and lives) as well as their health, loved ones, and everything else that pertain to them. They must then, in faith, accept God’s forgiveness and thank our Father that the blood of Jesus “cleanses us from all unrighteousness,” (1 Jn. 1:8-10.)
¨ The Word of God, which we obey, is “sharper than any two-edged sword; dividing soul and spirit, [cutting loose our emotions, will, and intellect from our human spirit so we can worship God in complete freedom on a soulical level as well,] (1 Ths. 5:23; Rom. 12:1-3.) The Word also cuts between joints and marrow, [to sever us from abusers to whom we are tied as blood relatives or spouses,] and is a discerner of our [deepest] thoughts and intents [to show us where we have joined ourselves to things we must ask God to cut away by helping us to understand the Truth of His Word and everything else. This is how the Word and Spirit, with our obedience, separate us emotionally from evil,]” (Heb. 4:12.)
For sane victims to survive narcissism, physical separation or divorce is inevitable. Every time victims enter into interactions with narcissists, they are entering their dreadful danger district. Guilt about taking steps to protect ourselves must be rejected. We must realize that all narcissists, by default, have committed adultery as well as emotional murder on the abused, (Mt. 19:9; 1 Jn. 3:15.) The recovery of any relationship always pivots on willing, full, and sincere confession of sin; complete repentance, and active restitution for everything, (Jam. 5:16.) (E.g., lies must be replaced with truth, etcetera.) True believers will choose to salvage the marriage (or any other relationship) if possible, because Jesus commanded us to pursue peace under all circumstances — but definitely not at any price, (1 Cor. 7:10-16.) Do not be deceived. Narcissists will never sincerely submit and commit to these Scriptural requirements for forgiveness and renewal. They are pathological liars that take pleasure in breaking every promise they ever made. Jesus commanded in Revelation 3:11, “Behold, I Am coming quickly. Hold fast what you have, and let no man take your [everlasting life.]”
¨ The book, Dealing with Abuse and Abusers God’s Way