impossible to get narcissists to take responsibility for their actions, and to confess their sins and repent from their crimes.
They simply do not have decent, honorable lifestyles or Godly relationships in mind.
Ž They ignore the Holy Spirit’s conviction of sin just as they ignore their victims pleas for peace, repentance, and normality. Believing the promises of narcissists is like biting into a fluffy cloud. It is a pretence without substance.
Narcissists choose to be incapable of loving anyone but themselves. In the minds of narcissists, there is not an inkling to submit to anyone else or to God, although some might even water baptize themselves as “disciples” of Jesus to stay under the radar and to get deeper into the minds and lives of their victims. Neither will they repent from flattening the lives and souls of their victims. Everything is just about them. Even the good they do is just to feed their superiority. They expertly change everything good into bad for their victims because they continuously feed on their different types of destruction to supposedly become greater, stronger, and more important than before.
Narcissism is all about outward image. They don’t really care what God and their victims, whom they severely disrespect, think of them. All they need, is to see themselves as being “beautiful, rich, in control, and mighty.” They might even pretend to be perfectionists while they deliberately neglect personal hygiene as a means to offend and frustrate their victims. In the eyes of the world, they will do everything outwardly that can disguise their vain lifestyles of pretence and lies. But inwardly, there is a great emptiness, because there is no substance of character inside a narcissist. No morality. No bravery. No love. No allegiance. No sincerity. No trust. No empathy. Nothing. The minds, bodies, and lives of narcissists are empty shrines, which they built unto themselves. They live to splash money, fornicate, adulterate, manipulate, deceive, steal, insult, and stealthily destroy their victims.
It is said that the Russian dictator Stalin once demonstrated the method of trauma-bonding by plucking out all the feathers of a live chicken in front of his audience. He did it so callously and self-assured that no one understood the incredible cruelty of what he was doing. As the bird stood trembling, near death, bleeding, and in excruciating pain, he threw scraps of food at it, demonstrating how the tortured creature would always view him as its protector and provider to be utterly dependant on him. No one suspected that this was just one side of his sadistic nature. Secretly, he most probably also sacrificed chickens and other living things, humans especially, on the altar of the devil during satanic rituals. Yet, he always got away with it because he pretended to be such a nice guy and strong leader that everyone adored him.
This is the method all abusers use to trauma-bond or psychologically addict their victims to them. Narcissists often purposely fleece their victims in public and get away with everything. I.e., during gatherings such as wedding receptions they might get hopelessly drunk and behave so badly that their victims cannot look their family and friends in the eyes again, but they acted so funny that everyone liked them and thought nothing of it. Or narcissists flirt so openly with the bridesmaids at the reception that their spouses would be shamed into silence. But because they made such a casual charade of it, no one ever thought that this was actually the setup for illicit affairs that lasted for months, even years.
Ø The nasty repercussion of such maltreatment is that the cheated, humiliated spouses get the bad names, as narcissists make their audiences believe they do not get love and attention from those ‘controlling, selfish’ marriage partners, adult children, or parents. Thus, narcissists are entitled to ‘overtly as well as covertly’ coerce everyone else into slandering the names and characters of the innocent victims involved.
Should narcissists be confronted afterwards, they would simply put up innocent faces, blame other people, violently deny all liability, and make their “accusers” into “controlling, jealous, perverted liars.” Narcissists commit these crimes so deviously that neither their victims nor their audiences realize they are invalidating them so heartlessly because it is their nature to torture people and all other living things. If victims tolerate the abuse long enough, in order to cope with the constant, unacceptable crimes against them, they will begin to defend and support their abusers no matter how nasty they are to them. This is a psychological technique to bear the intolerable pain and humiliation of abuse without disintegrating. It is called Stockholm Syndrome.
It is, therefore, not uncommon that beaten, cheated, downtrodden wives, as well as sexually abused, assaulted, and neglected children, fiercely defend these abusers with any “good” they can conjure up, even after the death of narcissists. For instance, “My dad hit the living daylights out of me on every bad hair day, but that was just the way he was.” “No matter how many times she committed adultery and lied about it, I will always love her. I cannot live without her.”
Narcissists are dangerous predators. They study their chosen victims beforehand to exploit vulnerabilities and opportunities such as the added ‘advantage’ of also getting to the other members of the families, before they ensnare them with their initial “niceness.” Narcissists speak the language of their victims fluently. To arouse the empathy and loyalty of their victims, narcissists act the perfect victims to get real victims to identify with them. And they can be tender best friends, companions, and lovers. Narcissists know how to fulfil their victims’ specific desires and especially their need of understanding and support. Wherever they see intelligence, potential, innocence, and beauty, they will strike. They are so clever and manipulative that, especially in the beginning, their victims cannot recognize their exploitation and crimes such as conning, cheating, and adultery as abuse. Duped by tearful apologies, lame excuses, and empty promises, victims easily discard such narcissist scams to get to their souls, lives, and money. And most dangerously, victims also overlook initial outbursts of narcissistic rage as precursors to a lifetime of suffering and endangerment with them.
The greater the challenge, the greater the satisfaction of narcissists to gain the upper hand and to bring victims into submission to them. Once that is achieved, they stealthily obliterate their victims. They will only allow their captives to function freely as long as they can bring them more and more prestige and glory — which always remain under narcissist control. As soon as victims become too independent to their liking, they will “put them in their place.”
Ž Hence, the greatest pitfall is that narcissists seem so incredibly nice and normal. But in reality, their aim is to systematically possess their victims and to disrespect and invalidate their personhood in ways a normal mind cannot comprehend. In their eyes, their victims are nothing more than “worthless utensils.” Once the nastiness of narcissism starts revealing its ugly face from behind the ‘pleasant’ personality’s faēade, it becomes apparent that no amount of reasoning, patience, or care can reach the controlling beast in them.
Ž Narcissists always manipulate their victims to focus on, and hope for the rise of the “pleasant” person so that some form of normality can return to their lives. But the person which victims must focus on, is the beast. The beast is the narcissist, not the pretence of niceness. The beast will always surface again when and how narcissists choose to manifest it. It was so from the very beginning when they began to go after their victims; they just pretend otherwise.
Totally consumed with themselves, narcissists never learn from their mistakes. They cannot be trusted in any way. When they are exposed, they make even their worst crimes superficial, and turn their victims’ terrible distress into control, lies, trouble-making, madness, and acting.
Narcissists intentionally break every promise and commitment they make to violate all boundaries.
They usually hide their insatiable appetites on all levels of existence. Although some pretend fussiness as a means of manipulation and attention seeking, they seemingly do not smell bad odours, taste bad food, or see ugly sex partners. Secretly, everything they can get their hands on is fit to devour.
Only the victims they choose to keep as laboratory rats are carefully chosen. As they lack human conscience, there is no way to stop or change such wilful demolition of everything good and Godly. They spitefully refuse to work towards solutions to problems. Instead, they turn the hopeless treadmill-jogging and mad rollercoaster rides of their victims into fine arts of provocation and control that baffle healthy minds. They live to get their all-time ‘high’ by smugly watching their hapless victims battle and squirm with frustration and sorrow, which they deliberately inflict.
Narcissism can reveal itself through parents, spouses, children, friends, extended family, and people in authority such as employers and teachers, but the victims whom it most severely affects are those closest to these demoniacs.
When confronted, angered, or cornered, narcissists will pretend to be the abused victims of their captives to gain support through the misplaced sympathy of more potential prisoners. They will also force their victims to bow to their dictates with vast smear campaigns, full-out isolation, and the rejection of everyone they know and cherish.
Mostly, only their victims know about some of the crimes these demoniacs unrepentantly commit. They always suspect that something is terribly wrong somewhere but always seeking to justify the “shortcomings” of the narcissist, they hardly ever pinpoint any particular destruction as deliberate vindictiveness. (I.e., narcissists allegedly weren’t passionately chasing after serial adultery all their married lives; it was forced on them on a silver platter!) Unless the severity and extent of narcissism is explained to victims, they might never begin to understand the terrible danger they were, and are facing. It is, therefore, not uncommon that spouses may only discover after nearly a whole lifetime that narcissists never desired them, respected them, were faithful to them, or loved them. Instead, they forced them without their knowledge to share in their covert lives of deception, serial adultery, child molestation, alcoholism and drug addiction, destruction of friendships, ministries, families, finances, etcetera, to feed their demented minds and double lives without any fear, regret, or a thought to conscience or consequence.
Ž One of the severe affects of this multilevel abuse is that narcissists compel their victims, especially their spouses and children, to continuously stay in a combination of fight and flight mode. The goal of narcissists is to, either way, wear all resistance down. The result is that it depletes their victims emotionally, while it slowly demolishes their physical health, family and other relationships, hopes, work, and personalities.
Relentlessly, over a lifetime, as narcissists pick specific situations to control, they use a combination of passivity, (when they spitefully choose not to defend their ‘loved’ ones even under dire circumstances and refuse to stand up for what is right,) to expand the disruption, which their underhandedness and cowardice cause. And when their victims become stronger, more independent, and able to stand against adversity as a result, they demean them as ‘control freaks and violent aggressors.’ This is so because, whatever narcissists are or what they are called, that is what they will make their victims into in the eyes of everyone that is willing to listen to them. They are professional blame-shifters.
Ž Through a cruel technique called gaslighting, they also confuse reality and cause their victims to even doubt their own sanity and motives to confront their so-called “non-existent” abuse. For instance, they steal, hide, or move their victim’s belongings such as keys, clothing, furniture, and even the cutlery. And they will destroy their victims’ work, spit in their victim’s food and coffee, dip their toothbrushes in the toilet, and make the groceries disappear. When confronted, they will aggressively shout and swear, and accuse their victims of “losing their sick minds,” calling them “demon possessed, stupid, worthless, and senseless,” and state they are “tired of all these false accusations,” “the manufacture of facts,” “playing god over them,” or “trying to think for them and control them!”
Ž Whatever victims expect from narcissists, is exactly what they will never get. For instance, if victims expect respect, love, fidelity, truth, honesty, and support, they might get a pretence of that to momentarily set them at ease. But what they will really get is total disrespect, invalidation, lovelessness, infidelity, lies, dishonesty, rejection, treason, gaslighting, cheating, serial adultery, and no support.
The mind games of narcissists include many cruel methods to make their victims believe they are of no value or “worthless” to everyone. They will also pick on certain children and other vulnerable people to maliciously mock and tease them, and joke about their shortcomings and soft-spots. They will take the word of someone that is harming their victims and never take any interest in what is important to them; deliberately committing treason against their own.
They will automatically contradict what their victims say to make them liars, especially in front of other people. They will passively ignore and deliberately misinterpret facts and requests. They will either take over or refuse to get involved in important matters like the children’s school sports, prize giving events, and other family interests. And every confrontation that demands change or sincere participation, will be met with totally illogic arguments, violent screaming, and false accusation. In fact, to them, offense is always the best defence. To deeply shame their spouses, children, and parents, especially in public, gives them great gratification.
Ž Narcissists will pretend they did not or cannot hear or understand their victims. Thus, they will constantly make their victims repeat themselves and explain the same issue over and over again without getting through to them. This technique to provoke and sadistically argue is also reserved for their victims. They falsely accuse their victims of the most humiliating sins, and blame them innocently for bad things that happened. It is all part of making these abusers feel in control and important. So, everything they must do in conjunction with their victims, such as filling out tax returns, is manipulated into terrible arguments to invalidate their victims, input, which give them reason to violently swear, threaten, and assault their victims. They will also punish their victims for withstanding and confronting them by shouting dehumanizing phrases at them and throwing their clean washing in the trash. They also throw dangerous objects such as ornaments, lamps, fruit, and other things into their faces; damage their property, and turn their God-given work, relationships, gifts, intelligence, and lives into rubbish.
Although they can be very punctual, they will often make their victims wait extensively before showing up for an appointment, or to return from work, shopping, etcetera, while aggressively denying they are late. They do all this to live their double lives and to make their victims believe they, (the victims,) are nasty, clingy, perverted, and jealous. In this way, they also distort their victims’ perception of time and space, and their sanity and sanctity. Serial adulterating narcissists, knowing very well that their spouses suspect their underhanded crimes, (which are nearly impossible to prove because they are so sneaky,) will cheerfully bring them chocolates and flowers, revelling in the so-called “knowledge” of how genius they are to deceive, cheat, and destroy the trust and self-worth of their spouses.
Ž Facts and proof mean nothing to narcissists. For instance, if they give their spouses venereal disease, they will, highly offended, make the doctors and laboratory technicians into liars for proving that they, the narcissists, are the culprits. And they will either blame their victims or force them to accept that one actually gets the clap from toilets. If spouses push the issue to get to the truth, narcissists will fly off into a denying, assaulting rage to put the issue down.
Ž Narcissists would rather kill than acknowledge, confess, and repent from their terrible crimes.
What’s more, narcissists are fully set on playing the victim when their sins are confronted. Someone said, “They will never talk about what they did to harm you; only how “insanely” you react to every “unintentional mistake.” Thus, they chronically lie by omission of, addition to, and the twisting of truth, and manufacture their own ‘truth’ as they go along.
To live their completely double lives, narcissists baffle the minds of their victims to keep them subdued and guessing. Most victims never realize that the aim of all the suffering is the utter destruction of their spiritual, emotional, and physical health. In fact, narcissists target their victims for their entire lives, or for as long as they can exercise their authority over them without them knowing who they really are and what they are actually doing. If they are called out, the gloves are off. They will execute inhumane smear campaigns, contrived ‘truths,’ and manufacture dangerous distortions of facts and things that were told in confidence to disarm and bring their victims into disrepute. Whatever their victims say, they will turn around and tell everyone that is exactly what their victims did to them.
Ž The most common tactic of narcissists is to isolate their victims from their spouses, family, friends and any type of support system. This gives them a sense of invincibleness, because they are so clever they “always get away with everything.” Thus, they force their victims into a state of utter loneliness, helplessness, and hopelessness. Should victims commit suicide as a means of escape, it will puff the pride of narcissists sky-high and give them the satisfaction to believe they have achieved their ultimate mission to control their victims’ eternal destiny as well.
Needless to say, for sane victims to survive either grandiose or covert narcissism, (which is usually a combination of both,) separation or divorce is inevitable. Every time victims enter into conversations or interactions with narcissists, they are entering a dreadful danger zone. The first step to freedom from these abusers is to break all denial and defence concerning their narcissist character and crimes. Then, victims must arm themselves with the bare truth to see narcissists for exactly who they are and what they do, in order to reject their terrible oppression, possession, and control. Jesus said, “[If you desire the truth,] you shall know the truth [about My Word and everything else that concern you,] and the truth will set you free.”
Ž So, when either narcissists or other types of abusers refuse to repent because they are habitually toxic, (poisoning the spirits, souls or minds, health, bodies, support systems, work, relationships, and lives of spouses and their children,) divorce is indeed valid. Jesus gave His believers the directive to be able to divorce on the grounds of adultery. There is no reason why narcissists should not commit serial fornication and adultery. They abide by only one Law: “Do as thou willst.” Jesus also gave His believers His disciplinary process to work through as far as possible, when they must deal with hard-hearted, unrepentant people; spouses especially, (Mt. 19:1-10; 18:15-20.)
The recovery of any relationship, (our relationship with God, spouses, and other people,) always pivots on full and sincere confession of sin, complete repentance from the decimating sins that cause the sorrow and chaos, and active restitution for everything they had done, (Jam. 5:16.) True believers will choose to salvage the marriage (or any other relationship) if it is at all possible, because Jesus commanded us to pursue peace under all circumstances — but definitely not at any price, (1 Cor. 7:10-16.) Do not be deceived. Narcissists will never sincerely submit and commit to these Scriptural requirements for forgiveness and renewal.
However, the bodies (and spirits and minds) of true believers are the temple of the Holy Spirit. We can be certain that God will destroy those who defile and destroy His temple, (1 Cor. 3:16-17.) However, the victims of abuse must never accept such destruction passively. Flee if possible. Seek help desperately. Seek God’s will and directives. And stand on God’s Word that promises He will never leave nor forsake those who rely on Him, but deliver them from all evil. No one has the right to torture God’s creatures and blood-bought humanity. For God “so loved the whole world, that everyone who [chooses to] believe in Him, will not perish, but have eternal life,” (Jn. 3:16.)
Make no mistake, the evil father of all wilfully evil people who choose not to sincerely repent and follow Jesus, is not just after the souls, bodies, and lives of both the abusers and their victims here on earth. His ultimate goal is the destruction of their eternal lives in heaven. Jesus warned in Jn. 10:10, “The thief does not come except to kill, steal, and destroy. But I have come that you may have life… more abundantly.”
Narcissists are inherent Satanic thieves who do not attach themselves to anyone they cannot murder emotionally, steal from, and destroy on a multilevel. That is why Jesus commanded in Rev. 3:11, “Behold, I Am coming quickly. Hold fast what you have, [your life, sanity, redemption, etcetera,] and let no man take your [everlasting life.]”
Ž The book, Dealing with Abuse and Abusers God’s Way