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WHAT THE ABUSED CAN DO TO HELP THEMSELVES TO OVERCOME GOD’S WAY
In the context of the whole Bible, the following discussion concerns unrelenting, unrepentant abusers; narcissist psychopaths in particular. Jesus said in John 8:31-32 KJV, “If you continue in My Word you are My disciples indeed. [Therefore] you will know the truth and the truth [about everything you must deal with] will set you free.” A lack of knowledge concerning abuse, trauma and treason bond us to abusers. Similarly, the lack of knowledge concerning God’s Real, Scriptural will for us, hinder us from “overcoming” the devil’s destruction through them. Ephesians 5:10-13, “...Find out what is acceptable to the Lord. And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them, [not in vengeance but to distance yourself from them and to warn others.] For [what they do in secret] are shameful… and must not even be mentioned, [never mind tolerated,] among the believers of Christ!” Thus, it is our responsibility to seek the “whole truth” about them and ourselves to break their unacceptable theft, murder, and other destruction on us.
The abused must realize that God commanded His disciples to also “love [not idolize] themselves” and so, it is a sin to “passively” place ourselves into the hands of destroyers. Jesus gave us the right to expect of other people to ‘do good unto us as we do good unto them,’ (Mt. 7:12.) However, there is no way to calculate how many sincere people’s faith in God was demolished by nonstop betrayal, theft, humiliation, neglect, and rejection. How many lives and families were totally devastated by adultery, alcohol and drug addiction, and violence. How many innocent victims were tortured into insanity; oppressed into suicide, and emotionally murdered by destroying their good names, relationships, sanctity, health, and finances. And how many times did narcissist psychopaths commit physical, premeditated murder and walked away?
¨ Most unacceptably, church clergies send assaulted, cheated spouses back to abusers “because marriage is binding,” while adultery instantly breaks the marriage covenant. Thus, Jesus said adulterers can, and actually must be divorced as a survival mechanism in the case of unrepented serial adultery, which is always the basis of multitiered abuse, (Mt. 5:21-24, 27-32! 19:3-9.) In fact, Jesus commanded self-mutilation rather than tolerating even cruel mind games such as “lustfully looking” for potential sex partners. Verses 28-30 reads, “[In this case, staring lustfully is fornication/adultery that rules the heart, mind, and behavior.] So, if your eye or hand, [allegories for whatever] CAUSES YOU TO SIN, PLUCK IT OUT AND CAST IT FROM YOU. It is better for you that one of [whom or what you deem necessary] should perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell!”
What’s more, physical and verbal assault, sexual and other crimes, etcetera, always proliferate. Such lawlessness is punishable by law and must not be tolerated as it will destroy other people as well, (Eph. 5:11.) Paul wrote in 2 Timothy 3:1-5, “In the last days [that we are living now,] dangerous times will come. For men will be lovers of themselves, [narcissists,] FROM SUCH PEOPLE TURN AWAY!” 2 Corinthians 6:14, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers….” or “sinning saints.” Light and darkness have nothing in common. So-called ‘believers’ who never repent from sin, are NOT believers! Jesus said we shall know them by their [constant] fruit or unrepentant behavior! (Mt. 7:16.) 1 Corinthians 15:11 & 33 command, “Do not keep company with sexually [and other] immoral people. [In particular,] DO NOT KEEP COMPANY WITH ANYONE NAMED A BROTHER, WHO IS SEXUALLY IMMORAL, COVETOUS, AN IDOLATER, REVILER, DRUNKARD, OR AN EXTORTIONER — DO NOT EVEN EAT WITH SUCH A PERSON! [This is not selective religiousness. This is self-preservation in God’s HOLY Kingdom of Light.] Bad company corrupt good morals.” Proverbs 22:24, “Make no friendship with an [unrepentant] angry man. And with a furious man [and this angry outbursts to cover his sin and control other people through fear and intimidation,] do not go. Lest you learn his ways and set a snare for your soul.”
In the light of the above, we cannot overlook the choice of abusers to live a narcissistic-psychopathic life, although they feign faith in Jesus. Isaiah 59:2-5 reads, “He that hates in his heart, [which always manifests in all kinds of malice although he vehemently denies it,] has his hands full of blood.” 1 John 3:15, “He who hates is a murderer. And we know that no [unrepentant] murderer has eternal life abiding in him.” Jesus warned in Matthew 5:21-24, “...Whoever IS ANGRY… WITHOUT A CAUSE, [unwarranted anger,] is in danger of God’s judgement. [Anger is a natural emotion but must be dealt with without delay according to God’s Moral Law, as unresolved anger is the dangerous root of all abuse. So,] whoever [merely] says to [someone else] ‘Raca!’ and ‘You fool,’ [not referring to facts but assassinating someone’s character,] shall be in danger of hell fire [if continued remorselessly.]”
¨ While we hope that those who once accepted Jesus and decidedly returned to their “vomit,” (Proverbs 26:11;) may still go to heaven, God’s Word teaches the opposite. The contextual guideline here is that we must all take serious note of the fact that God does not take deliberately unrepentant, so-called “believers” to heaven, (Rev. 21:7-8; 22:15!!!)
This is so because God will not override a stern decision to remain in any form of unrepentant sin that violates His inward Moral Law. It is bone-chillingly real that Adam and Eve disobeyed God only once, and they pulled the entire human race into a spiritual state of disobedience to Him, (Rom. 5:12.) While God is merciful and forgiving, the blood of Jesus that was shed for all true believers who accept and follow Him, cannot be rejected and trampled on for as long as we choose. Hence, Hebrews 3:15 cautions, “Today, if you hear His voice, do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion… as those whose corpses fell in the wilderness…”
¨ The hope that God will change everyone if we just pray, plead, bow, fight, suffer, etcetera, long enough, is false. If people decidedly reject Jesus and His atonement and wilfully keep on disobeying God to serve Satan, our feeble hopes and attempts will only enable them to murder us on all levels of life. By supporting such people, we are actually helping them into hell, while dreadfully endangering our own eternal lives in heaven, (Revelation 3:11.)
On the other hand, we must constantly pray and seek God’s will and wisdom through His Scriptural truth and Holy-Spirit leading to deal with everything in our lives. We are in a stewardship of everything and everyone Jesus our Only God, King, and Master, entrusted to us. But, when dealing with the decided, unrepentant sin of other people, it is crucial to remember that the bodies, souls (minds,) and human spirits of true believers are the temple of the HOLY Spirit, (1 Ths. 5:23; 1 Cor. 6:15-20!) We dare not willingly allow narcissists and other psychopaths to destroy the dwelling place of God the Holy Spirit by contaminating us with lies, deception, violence, sexual and other immorality, unforgiveness, revenge, and other types of disobedience to God’s Moral Law, which is “written on every heart and mind,” (Heb. 10:16.)
Because the Holy Spirit “convicts the whole world, [unbelievers too,] of sin, righteousness, and judgment,” no one will have an excuse That Day when we must “all appear before the judgment seat of Christ,” to give an account of everything and everyone God had entrusted to us, (1 Cor. 5:10.) No one will be able to blame parents, spouses, and other abusers for their personal decisions to disobey the Truth of God’s Word. So, once we have done what we could, (“as far as it depends on us,”) to live in God’s Scriptural peace with narcissists and other psychopaths, our hands are clean, (Rom. 12:18.) Not even God will violate their free-willed decision to remain in the service of Satan, (Deut. 30:15-20; chapter 28.)
It is necessary to take responsibility for ourselves, our actions, and our decisions as far as humanly possible and in God’s will, while understanding that God mostly “changes our circumstances by changing us.”
¨ As clearly seen in this article, we cannot change other people, but we remain in the lifelong School of the Holy Spirit where every challenge is a learning curve. God does miracles, but if He changes everything instantly, we will learn nothing, (Heb. 5:8.) Although we must obey the Moral Law to agape or “love” even our enemies such as narcissists, (give them the Gospel if possible, feed them as the Spirit leads, etcetera,) each one will answer to God for himself, (Deut. 24:16.) Since lawless and immoral people are without remorse, conscience, and ethics, we cannot expect of them to respect our boundaries and morality. (E.g., ‘Do not swear at me. Do not slander me. Do not steal from me…’)
¨ We must remember that the problem is not only that narcissists violate our boundaries, but that we easily overstep our own sane, holy boundaries to enter into their darkness when they deliberately provoke us to bring us down. We must not be caught off guard, but expect that they are capable of doing whatever they choose for as long as they can get away with it. To create chaos and commit multilevel murder and to get away with it, is what they live for. That is why, spitefully destroying our boundaries is simply another challenge for them to make themselves look powerful and in control. They “feed” on our reactions. The more we “lose it,” the more they “get it.”
¨ So, to overcome abusers, we must practice ‘self-mastery’ by managing our emotions and make sober decisions whenever we must deal with them. We can never do that on our own. We need God’s power and grace to deal with such satanic provocation and oppression. We must disengage when they pull us into arguments and walk away as far as we can. They only have power over us if we stoop down to their level, which will constantly escalate the abuse, as no amount of sin can satisfy their need to feed on our demise.
¨ When the man Jesus confronted the narcissistic temple leaders, He never placed Himself in unnecessary danger. Many times, as it was not yet time for Him to lay down His life to attain our redemption, salvation, and blessing, He escaped when they tried to grab hold of Him. He then withdrew from them to pray and continue His ministry without allowing them to divert His attention from the will of His Father, (Ps. 139:14-16.) Thus, Jesus commanded us to take care of our own lives in a Godly, Scriptural way, (Mt. 22:37-40.)
¨ Jesus knew exactly what He was dealing with each time He confronted the sin of the temple masters. Thus, He called them out for what they really were. This is not swearing at them or physically fighting them, which take the abused over to their dark side and achieve nothing but ‘growing’ their grandiosity. Without stooping to their satanic level, Jesus told them exactly who they are. The said, “You are of your father the devil [as you choose to do his works…] You are [hypocritical,] whitewashed graves and a brood of vipers…” From this context, Jesus made it clear that as long as victims see abusers as “good,” they will have power over them and the abuse will keep on escalating. It is a sin to cover the sin of unrepentant people. Proverbs 29:24, “Whoever partners with a thief, [and so-called “passive” aggression also falls into this criterion,] hates his own life, [as the thief will destroy him; John 10:10.] He swears to tell the truth [and repent] but reveals nothing [to stop the abuse.]” God said in Romans 1:32, “[Unrepentant sinners] are worthy of death. And so are those who [keep quiet,] as they [then] do the same [that abusers do.]” By giving their approval to them, they “feed” their darkness, and enable them to continue their destruction of the helpless and the innocent.
¨ Another vital step in dealing with unreachable people, is for the abused to distance themselves as far as possible from them. When Paul said in 1 Corinthians 6:1-11 we should not sue “the brethren,” he was not forbidding us to bring life-threatening violence, constant torment, or adultery before the law. He was saying, as far as possible, ‘normal’ deputes must be resolved among believers. However, unrepentant drunkards, drug addicts, fornicators, adulterers, filthy-mouthed wife-beaters and child molesters, (although they are so-called “believers,”) are not “the brethren.” Because of their decided unrepentance, Jesus said in Matthew 18:15-20 that they must be treated as “heathen and tax collectors.” This means they endanger the spiritual, emotional, and physical health of believers and must be avoided.
¨ We must not love, (agape in deed and truth,) others more than ourselves. God called us to lay down our lives to glorify Him. Squirming in the torture and filth of narcissists will take our eternal lives as it defiles God’s Holy Name and dishonor Him. If they reject Jesus, His blood atonement in their place, and the conviction of the Holy Spirit, there is no remedy for them. They will only continue to murder the abused on all levels of life and never have a slither of remorse about it.
To break emotional ties with narcissists that can pull their victims back into their sewerage zones, the abused must take responsibility for their denial and defence concerning narcissist character and crimes, so they can know exactly what they must forgive. In the end, this is the only way the abused can come to terms with everything they have suffered. This is not the narcissist kind of forgiveness to actually warrant the abuse. This is complete surrender to God with the clear intention not to hate and seek revenge and thus become like narcissists, but, having done all according to His Word as far as possible, (Mt. 18:15-20,) to leave it in His hands to bring justice and redemption on all levels of life. This is not passivity but a rational decision, which must be prayerfully executed in reliance on the power and guidance of the Holy Spirit.
It is also necessary that victims confess and ask God’s forgiveness for personal sin such as submitting to evil and abuse; endangering the temple of the Holy Spirit, (human spirits, souls, bodies, and lives) as well as their health, loved ones, and everything else that pertain to them. They must then, in faith, accept God’s forgiveness and thank our Father that the blood of Jesus “cleanses us from all unrighteousness,” (1 Jn. 1:8-10.)
¨ The Word of God, which we obey, is “sharper than any two-edged sword; dividing soul and spirit, [cutting loose our emotions, will, and intellect from our human spirit so we can worship God in complete freedom on a soulical level as well,] (1 Ths. 5:23; Rom. 12:1-3.) The Word also cuts between joints and marrow, [to sever us from abusers to whom we are tied as blood relatives or spouses,] and is a discerner of our [deepest] thoughts and intents [to show us where we have joined ourselves to things we must ask God to cut away by helping us to understand the Truth of His Word and everything else. This is how the Word and Spirit, with our obedience, separate us emotionally from evil,]” (Heb. 4:12.)
For sane victims to survive narcissism, physical separation or divorce is inevitable. Every time victims enter into interactions with narcissists, they are entering their dreadful danger district. Guilt about taking steps to protect ourselves must be rejected. We must realize that all narcissists, by default, have committed adultery as well as emotional murder on the abused, (Mt. 19:9; 1 Jn. 3:15.) All such “challenges” are part of their double lifestyles.
¨ The recovery of any relationship always pivots on willing, full, and sincere confession of sin; complete repentance, and active restitution for everything, (Jam. 5:16-18; Lev. 6:1-5.) (E.g., lies must be replaced with the whole truth, etcetera.) True believers will choose to salvage the marriage (or any other relationship) if possible, because Jesus commanded us to pursue peace under all circumstances — but definitely not at any price, (1 Cor. 7:10-16.)
¨ Do not be deceived. Narcissists will never sincerely submit and commit to these Scriptural requirements for forgiveness and renewal. They are pathological liars that take pleasure in breaking every promise they ever made. Jesus commanded in Revelation 3:11, “Behold, I Am coming quickly. Hold fast what you have, and let no man take your [everlasting life.]”
¨ The book, Dealing with Abuse and Abusers God’s Way