my life 4 jesus.co.za

     Home            Testimonial         About me       Exegesis - interpreting the Scriptures      Let’s Talk        How to be saved

You have Magnified Your Word above All Your Name, Ps. 138:2

Dealing With Abuse and Abusers God’s Way 

 To all the suffering victims of abuse, please realize that

assault, swearing, destruction, neglect, mind games, treason, and adultery are not love and care!!! 

 

Renette Vermeulen

 

©  COPYRIGHT NOW UNBANNED PUBLICATIONS 

NONE OF THESE BOOKS AND ARTICLES ARE FOR SALE, YET THE CONTENT AND CONTEXT MUST NOT BE ALTERED, SOLD  OR USED IN MATERIAL THAT IS SOLD, CLAIMED OR PREACHED AS PERSONAL PROPERTY AND REVELATION, OR MISUSED IN ANY WAY. 

Þ IF YOU FIND MY BOOKS FOR SALE, PLEASE NOTE THAT THESE ARE FRAUDULENTLY SOLD BY PEOPLE WHO EXPLOIT MY WORK FOR PERSONAL GAIN

 

        abuse pic 2.jpgabuse pic 4.jpg  abuse pic 6.png

[Acknowledgement to the people who compiled and published these images]

 

Please note 

 

I have no qualms with the study of human behavior from a truly logic perspective to understand the actions of people.  The study of human behavior, as also found in psychology but not so much in psychiatry, is the crux of this article; confirmed and guided by the never-changing, Scriptural Word of the Lord Jesus Christ.  Nevertheless, as many psychologists also use psychiatry in their “talk therapy,” one must be careful to “test and prove everything to see if it is from God,” (1 Ths. 5:21-22.)  Additionally, where the word “victim” is used, it does not mean a “victim mentality that merely seeks sympathy” or anything similar.  It factually refers to the true “injured parties,” “fatalities,” or “casualties” of barnyard bullies, narcissists, psychopaths, and other sadists. 

 

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

 

Usually trauma, (extremely shocking events,) and abuse, (chronic maltreatment,) form a long term symbiosis or allegiance to destroy abused people on a multilevel.  Without ever minimizing the extreme shock of trauma and the despicable crimes of abuse, (or the suffering and helplessness of the abused,) it is necessary to understand that the mechanisms, which the world presents to clarify and contain trauma and abuse, are not as effective as they allege. 

It is an indisputable fact that the core teachings and methods of psychiatry, (psychoanalysis combined with medical methods,) are in enmity with the God of the Bible and His True Word, because it is based on religious pagan philosophy, pseudo–science, and occult methodologies.  On the other hand, psychology is not without merit if it does not deviate from the study of human behavior, which defines “personalities.”  Nevertheless, one must be careful not to be ensnared in humanism and occultism here as well, as psychology is a brainchild of psychiatry.  Hence, neither psychiatry nor psychology presents a definite answer to the dangerous effects of spiritual, emotional, and physical trauma and abuse.  Instead, both these methods, once mingled with or loosened from the truth of Bible Scripture, can pose great spiritual dangers to unwary, hurting people, who trust psychiatrists, psychologists, and so-called Christian psychologists and ‘deliverance’ counsellors with their most intimate pain and problems. 

Therefore, this is not a study from the viewpoint of psychiatry or from psychology as such.  This is a study of the influence of human circumstance, human behavior, which identifies human character, and God’s Scriptural commandments to escape, resolve, and heal the dreadful, yet common consequences of trauma, addiction, and abuse as far as possible. 

——————————————————————————————————

 

This study, ‘Dealing with Abuse and Abusers God’s Way,’ flows from the book,

What a Narcissist Clan can do to their Unsuspecting Victims.” 

It connects with the following articles: 

¨ Narcissists are Everywhere, and they are Dangerous, Stealthy Predators of Destruction 

¨ Narcissists work with Demonic Power and are Addicted to Sex, Violence, Power, Money and Control,

¨ Psychopathic Freaks that Deceive and Control us  

¨ The Struggles of People who were Sexually Abused are Multifold 

¨ Great, Irreconcilable Differences between Psychiatry and Scriptural Truth   

Contents

¨ What is “Trauma Bonding,” “Treason Bonding,” and “Stockholm Syndrome?”    

¨ An example of Chronic, Multilevel  Abuse 

¨ The Definition and Mechanisms of Abuse and Abusers

¨ THE DREADFUL SIN OF ‘PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE’ BEHAVIOR IS COVERT NARCISSISM  

¨ VICTIMS’ HATRED FOR ‘PASSIVE’ PROTECTORS 

¨ Abusive control can be highly addictive 

¨ Will God kill that abuser to end the torture?

¨ ABUSERS ARE CUNNING SHAPE SHIFTERS AND ALWAYS HAVE TWO FACES   

¨ CHRIST CALLED HIS DISCIPLES TO A SELFLESS LIFE; THEY MUST NEVER PROTEST ABUSE!” - “CAN THAT BE SCRIPTURAL?”  

¨ Jesus and His disciples did defend their human and legal rights

¨ LOVE YOUR NEIGHBORS” MEANS ‘AGAPE’  THEM IN DEED AND TRUTH      

¨ DOES GOD “LOVE” AND SAVE US “UNCONDITIONALLY” - even if we REFUSE to REPENT?

¨ WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO FORGIVE SEVENTY TIMES SEVENTY

¨ SPIRITUAL ABUSE IN CHURCH AND AT HOME   

¨ LOVE OTHER PEOPLE AS YOURSELF!”  -  “BUT… I MUST CRUCIFY MYSELF, NOT ‘LOVE’ MYSELF!”       

¨ WHY COMPLAIN - SIMPLY FORGIVE AND FORGET!”    - Whaaat?

¨ FORGIVE [THAT ABUSER] FROM THE HEART!” -  “WOW, THAT SOUNDS IMPOSSIBLE!”    

¨ WHAT DOES THIS MEAN:  “FORGIVE US AS WE FORGIVE OTHERS?”

¨ BLESS, DO GOOD, AND PRAY FOR YOUR ABUSERS!” - “HOW CAN I, WITH SO MUCH HURT, ANGER, AND RESENTMENT?”        

¨ ANGER IS A NATURAL BUT DANGEROUS EMOTION

¨ Matthew chapter 5 is Jesus’ handbook on anger management

¨ Defamation of character is slander and constitute the crime of crimen injuria

¨ Private confrontation is a commandment of God and not crimen injuria

¨ God forbade cliques, and the spreading of twisted, unnessesary, and harmful truths

¨ HEALING BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS       

¨  FOLLOWING JESUS TO FREEDOM 

¨ A PRAYER FOR DELIVERANCE AND HEALING    

 

WHAT IS “TRAUMA BONDING,” “TREASON BONDING,” AND “STOCKHOLM SYNDROME?”  

It is said that the Russian dictator Stalin demonstrated the method of trauma-bonding by plucking out all the feathers of a live chicken in front of his audience.  He did it so callously and self-assured that no one understood the inhumane cruelty he was committing.  As the traumatized bird stood trembling, near death, bleeding, and in excruciating pain, he threw scraps of food at it, demonstrating how the tortured creature would always view him as its protector and provider to be utterly dependant on him.  No one suspected this was just one side of his cruel nature.  Because he was a mason, he probably also sacrificed chickens and other living things, humans too, on the altar of the devil during satanic rituals.  Yet, he always got away with it because he pretended to be such a nice guy and strong leader that everyone idolized him. 

This is the method all abusers use to trauma-bond or addict the abused psychologically to them.  So, narcissists and other psychopaths, (who lack morality, empathy, and conscience,) purposely fleece their victims also in public and get away with everything as the abused become so confused with the concepts of “love” and “care,” they turn a blind eye to even the most daring and cruel abuse inflicted on them

Treason-bonding is the same.  The more neglecting parents and hypersexual beasts betray their children and spouses, the more their victims accept their abandonment and infidelity as “normal.”  E.g., during gatherings such as wedding receptions abusers get hopelessly drunk and behave so badly their children and spouses cannot look their family and friends in the eyes again, but they act so charming and funny the people like them and think nothing of it.  Simultaneously, they flirt so openly with the bridesmaids they shame their spouses into silence and passivity.  But because they make such a casual charade of it, they condition everyone to see their abandonment, treason, and infidelity as a joke, and no one suspects it was actually a setup for illicit affairs that will last for months, even years. 

¨ Another nasty repercussion of inflicting any amount of cruelty on them is that the cheated, humiliated spouses get the bad names, as power and sex-crazed narcissists and other controlling monsters make their audiences believe they do not get love and attention from those ‘selfish,’ ‘stupid,’ marriage partners.  Thus, they are entitled to ‘overtly,’ [grandiosely and openly,] as well as ‘covertly,’ [secretly,] coerce everyone else into slandering the names and characters of the innocent involved. 

Should narcissists and other abusers be confronted afterwards, they would simply put up innocent faces, rant and rave while blaming the abused, aggressively deny all liability, arrogantly refuse to acknowledge they ever abused anyone, and make their “accusers” into “controlling, jealous, perverted, mentally ill liars.”  They commit trauma and treason bonding crimes so deviously, neither the abused nor the audiences realize they are disrespecting and invalidating them so heartlessly because it is their sadistic nature to torture people and all other living things.  Brainwashed victims, oppressed into accepting any level of abuse, then begin to see even their most brutal torment and merciless treason as ‘goodness’ and ‘chivalry.’ 

¨ If victims tolerate narcissistic bullying long enough to cope with the incomprehensible crimes against them, they will begin to defend, support, and idolize their abusers no matter how nasty they are to them.  This is a psychological defence-mechanism to bear the pain and humiliation of abuse without disintegrating.  It is called Stockholm Syndrome

It is, therefore, not uncommon that beaten, cheated, downtrodden wives, (husbands too,) as well as sexually abused, violently and verbally assaulted, neglected children, fiercely defend their abusers with any “good” they can conjure up, even after the death of those beasts.  E.g., “My dad hit the living daylights out of me on every bad hair day and punched holes into everything we had, but that was just the way he was.”  “No matter how many times she committed adultery, gave me the clap, [Gonorrhoea,] and lied about it, I will always love her.  I cannot live without her.”

AN EXAMPLE OF THE MULTILEVEL ABUSE DISCUSSED IN THIS STUDY  

The key players in this example can easily be reversed, because men also fall into the trap of marrying female psychopaths, narcissists, and other severely disturbed people.  To illustrate the topic of abuse as described in the book, ‘What a Narcissist Clan can do to their Unsuspecting Victims,’ a “very nice” but severely unstable guy supposedly accepted Christ after leading an extremely problematic life, but retained many dirty secrets, behaviors, and unconfessed, unrepentant sin, (Jam. 5:16-18; Prov. 28:13.)  Lies always beget more lies; but all the suffering such lawlessness causes, is completely unnecessary.  Jesus suffered, died, and was risen from the dead to deliver and save everyone who sincerely seeks, accepts, repents, and follows Him, (Jn. 1:12-14; 3:3-5; Eph. 1:7; 12-14.) 

However, to believe that relentless abusers will sincerely surrender to Jesus, is mostly an empty hope based on foolish faith, (Jam. 2:19-20.)  God gave every creature a free will; He will not force people into His Kingdom of Light, Peace, and Truth.  People who adore themselves as egotists do, hardly ever surrender to anyone, except as a sham to manipulate, control, and increase their power over everyone. 

To people living a nice life in their comfort zones, ‘trauma’ and ‘abuse’ are meaningless words, but this example of a Godly woman who was deceived into marrying a man that perfected the power of pretence, is shockingly real.  God views such double mindedness and messed up priorities so seriously that He warned in Jam. 1:8, “A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.”  Double-minded people, (not meaning those who sometimes doubt but those who decidedly follow secret agendas,) are never possessed by only one destructive habit or ‘character trait.’  Demons always come in mobs, because abusers are actually evil geniuses who need many crafty ‘character traits’ to sustain their mostly secret abuse of people.  It is, therefore, logic that such demoniacs work with demons to control, gaslight, (drive crazy through sadistic mind games,) invalidate, disrespect, and murder their spouses, children, and whomever they choose to keep as their victims, on all levels of life.  1 Jn. 3:15 states, “Whoever hates [and thus unrepentantly victimizes other people] is a murderer.  And… no murderer has eternal life abiding in him [although he or she might seem very religious.]” 

 

Throughout their life together, the wife of this ‘nice’ guy suspected him of adultery but could never prove it.  In spite of her ever deepening “gut feeling” that he was betraying and rejecting her, as all abusers, he was so brilliantly sly and such a convincing liar, she knew virtually nothing about the adultery he began to commit shortly after they got engaged, and which he continued all of their married life together.  (The engagement is the first phase of the wedding and part of the marriage covenant.  That is why Joseph had to give Mary a letter of divorce to break their “betrothal” or engagement, Mt. 1:19.)  Financially, this guy took good care of her and their family, but emotionally and physically, he put her persistently through “living hell” on all levels of life. 

Under the convincing pretence that he ‘loved’ her, his escalating abuse also centred on alcohol and drug addiction, and his co-dependency on bad friends, business partners, and destructive family members.  All the while, he constantly broke all his promises.  He deceived and controlled her with twisted truths, lies, and the manipulation of facts and reality, (called “gaslighting.”)  He also constantly humiliated her by flirting with her friends as well as every other women, using dirty language, and making pervert suggestions to them, even in her presence.  He began to destroy their finances without consulting her, and flatly refused to pay any attention to her Godly advice.  He arrogantly forced her to accept the impossible like catching venereal disease from a toilet; tried to force her to believe things like he was waiting in a queue for three hours at the little drug store around the corner; and disappearing on his way home from work to only appear two or three hours later with some lame explanation.  He constantly refuted everything she said; pretended he didn’t hear her speak even though he sat next to her, and refused to heed her polite and logic requests.  He never defended her against the abuse of others, and refused to stand up for her even when she was attacked in front of him.  He frequently tried to palm her off onto other men, simply refused to care when other men showed interest in her, and would not compliment her no matter how well she dressed and took care of herself, their family, home, and her career.  On two occasions, when she was literally dying in hospital, he did not make any attempt to be with her, but stood on the excuse that he had to work.  During the birth of their children, he abandoned her in hospital and got as drunk as a skunk to shame her in public.  After a few violent attacks, which started while they were still engaged, his abusive behavior gradually escalated into life threatening assaults, shouting, and filthy swearing, each time she ‘dared’ to confront his most unruly behavior. 

¨ Severely deceived, and unknowingly trauma-bonded to him, she idolized him and believed he is actually a good, loving man.  Deep down she knew he was a beast, but she was blinded by the silly notion that she could change him with enough love, acceptance, upliftment, living her life as a moral example, and withstanding his destructive behavior and dirty habits by explaining, pleading and, when all else failed, fighting him unwaveringly.  She lost every battle, to say the least.  Nothing worked.  Gradually, he became more overbearing while pretending humility in front of other people. He dangerously bullied and constantly betrayed her, and geniusly controlled her whole life without her being consciously aware of what he was actually doing to her. 

After 45 years, evidence came to light that he, shortly after they got married, also began to sexually molest her sister’s three daughters. There was no evidence that he did not do the same to the other girls in the family, although that was a great possibility.  She could never even have began to suspect that he was a paedophile as well as a sex crazed womanizer who trounced her, their family, and everything else in his pursuit of filthy sex.  This was why he secretly groomed her eldest niece to keep as his prostitute for some 40 years, while also chasing after nearly every other woman he saw. 

She demanded to know the truth about everything, but he flatly refused to explain anything.  She stood on the fact that God commanded in Jam. 5:16-17, “Confess your [serious, soul and life-destroying] trespasses [against one another by name] to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed…”  He loudly rejected God’s Word and refused to budge, although he professed to be a born again believer in Christ for the last 29 years, (Jn. 1:12-13; 3:3-5.) 

¨ As always, she was again willing to forgive him all those terrible crimes, as long as he explained to her why and how he committed all those atrocities without her knowing, and how it was possible that he led a completely double life for nearly a whole lifetime without her suspecting the depth and darkness of everything he was doing behind her back.  All she ever got in return, besides a multitude of broken promises and many violent assaults, were continuous cursing, more lies, manipulation, disrespect, and lame excuses like he “didn’t know what he was doing; it was offered to him on a silver platter; it was just a ‘game’ and he didn’t really harm anyone; the girls liked it,” etcetera. 

 

Such entrapment, emotional murder, and life-destroying crimes can never be a game!  From this example of extreme, chronic, multilevel abuse, I can only say that I myself always did, and always will make it clear that no sane person (or helpless animal) seeks, desires, or enjoys maltreatment of any sort.  I was always first to defend all victims of abuse that I knew about, and by the grace of God, I always will shield them as far as possible in everything good and Godly, and speak out for those who have no voice.  Any type of abuse always leaves indelible scars on souls, lives, relationships, and bodies, which only Jesus Christ can heal with His shed blood and broken body.  Constant abuse inflict such terrible sorrow on victims and produce such incredible humiliation and anger that they might never be healed on this side of the grave.  All types of abuse are crimes against God, humanity, and the rest of His creation - and child molestation, rape, and assault are crimes punishable by law, while adultery is hatred for spouses and thus, emotional murder, (1 Jn. 3:15.) 

Hence, Jesus made only one exception to the fact that marriage is binding: adultery.  Adultery instantly demolishes His holy marriage covenant between one husband and one wife.  So, this man never even really married this deceived woman, who gave herself and everything possible to  make him the spiritual ‘head’ of their home, and to live a morally clean, holy, Godly life with him; making the best home for their family she was able to do.  In fact, for a whole lifetime, he merely kept her as one of his prostitutes, while pretending to be her husband. 

(Continue)